I watched “Where Eagles Dare” again recently. If you missed it, worry not. BBC2 show it every fortnight alongside “The Heroes Of Telemark”.
In “Eagles”, the German officers speak perfect English as they did in most British and American war films.
It might lack ‘authenticity’, but cinemagoers (and later, TV viewers) could understand what was going on.
That same evening, I watched a BBC thriller series set in Colombia that featured acres of barely readable English subtitles as the local villains conversed in their own language.
It may have added to the show’s ‘gritty authenticity’, but I’m sure I wasn’t the only viewer who got irritated squinting at the tiny white subtitles and switched off what otherwise looked like an excellent series.
Makers of today’s TV thriller, espionage and police procedural series blithely assume every single viewer (and married ones) possess eyesight that’s so good it’d make an eagle, on the look-out for its prey, green with envy.
Because ever since mobiles and smart phones have been in general use, TV dramas invariably include close-ups of phone screens showing texts or ‘WhatsApps’ that major characters send each other.
Sometimes, the text is so small or on screen for such a short time, it’s possible to miss what might have been a vital clue.
I say ‘might’ have been, because even though my eyesight isn’t bad for a man of my age (although not that great for a man of 125) I often find it hard to read every word.
What is the point of hinting at ‘Who Dun It’, if we ‘Can’t Read It’?
Of course, I know modern TV has to show characters using mobile phones, but why do they have to text and WhatsApp so often?
In those glorious vintage films that the Talking Pictures TV Channel screens, which were made long before mobiles were invented, characters pick up a home or office phone, or go into a red phone box, and engage in telephone conversations.
Because we hear what they’re saying, there’s less chance viewers will lose the plot.
Oi! Who said, “Phil, you lost it years ago”?

Ah, Mother Nature, you cheeky rascal!
In Wales, she’s like that friend who shows up to a picnic with a raincloud instead of a potato salad.
As the rain pours down like it’s auditioning for a role in a dramatic film, we find ourselves feeling a bit soggy.
But fear not, my fellow Welsh warriors. There’s always a silver lining lurking behind those rainclouds, probably giggling at our umbrella struggles.
Yes, we reach for our umbrellas more often than toddlers reach for sweets, but let’s take a moment to appreciate the lush green landscapes that make Wales look like a postcard. That rain? It’s the secret sauce that keeps our hills and valleys vibrant, splashing colors everywhere, like a toddler with finger paints.
Now, how do we keep our spirits high in all this wetness?
Rainy days are the perfect excuse to indulge in cozy indoor activities.
Picture this: curling up with a good book, binge-watching our favorite shows, or sipping tea while pretending we’re not in a monsoon outside. The rain practically invites us to embrace the comforts of home like a warm Cwtsh!
And let’s not forget the camaraderie.
Who hasn’t shared a laugh huddled under a bus shelter or sprinting through the streets, united in our quest to stay dry?
So, my lovely people, let’s embrace the wet Welsh weather with open arms and big smiles. When life hands you rain, grab your wellies and dance in the puddles!  After all, who knew a little rain could bring so much joy?

There are small signs that Spring is near. Daffs grow in the park and many people are worked up into a state of complete indifference towards The Oscars.
But the winter gloom remains, like an uninvited house guest that arrived in November, kicked off its shoes, settled on the sofa and refused to ‘sling its hook’.
So, here’s a couple of showbiz anecdotes I hope will amuse you.
From the 1940s to the early 60s, the hilarious, unpredictable comedians “The Crazy Gang” played long seasons at the Victoria Palace Theatre, London and were firm favourites of the residents of another Palace just up the road.
The gang was made up of Bud Flanagan, Naughton & Gold, Nervo & Knox and (perhaps the craziest of the bunch) ‘Monsewer’ Eddie Gray.
Chesney Allen, who’d recorded the iconic “Underneath The Arches” with Bud Flanagan, left the Gang in 1945, but made occasional appearances with them on Royal Variety Shows.
For reasons unknown, a red pillar box sited near the Victoria Palace faced the wrong way, with the rectangular gap for posting letters facing the road, rather than the pavement.
Eddie Gray was a terrible practical joker and one of his favourite pranks was to look into the pillar box and ask, in all seriousness, “But how did you get in there in the first place?” and pretend to engage the ‘unfortunate person’ inside in a conversation.
This would invariably attract a crowd and, when it was big enough, Eddie would say, “Keep him talking while I fetch a policeman” whereupon he’d run into the Victoria Palace’s stage door and observe the ludicrous scene from his dressing room window!
Wonderful!
In the 1950s the annual pantomime at a North Country theatre traditionally featured a troupe of little girl dancers, who were given fairytale stage names like ‘Twinkle Toes’.
At the disastrous dress rehearsal, curtains didn’t open, actors forgot lines and scenery collapsed. When the exasperated director cued the dancers, one was missing!
He barked, “Where is Petal Pink Prettykins?” and from the wings, the choreographer nervously replied . . .
“Prettykins appears to have poo’d herself!”
See you in the stalls!

Remember when a trip meant soaking in stunning landscapes and discovering charming coffee shops?
Now, it feels like I’m navigating a trash-themed obstacle course, dodging empty water bottles and crumpled fast food bags like a contestant on a reality show gone wrong.
What happened? When did tossing your chocolate wrapper out the car window become the latest trend? Did I miss the memo that littering is now chic?
Let’s talk about the litter strategists, the ones who leave a trail of snack wrappers like they’re marking their territory.
It’s like Hansel and Gretel, but instead of breadcrumbs, we’ve got Doritos. They seem to think the world is their personal trash can. “Oh, I’ll just toss this McDonald’s cup here; someone else will deal with it, right?”
Sure, it’s tempting to ditch that empty crisp bag on a hike when you can’t find a bin. But here’s the magic: putting your trash in a bin is like being a superhero for the planet, no cape required, just basic manners.
So, treat the environment like your grandmother’s living room: keep it tidy.
Next time you’re out, think twice before tossing that water bottle into the bushes. Because, believe it or not, someone has to clean it up, and it’s definitely not your grandmother. Rant over.

TV is the closest thing to a time machine that man (step forward John Logie Baird!) has invented
Zoom through the channels and you’re back in the 1970s watching “The Sweeney”. Press again and there’s Roger Moore as ‘The Saint’ from the 60s or a 1940s Hollywood classic.
And in between these solid, timeless entertainments are the shows that the more obscure channels exhume from the vaults, like the episode of “Family Fortunes” I watched recently.
Host Les Dennis looked so young you’d be forgiven for thinking this was his first job after leaving school. Except that Les was totally professional, quick-witted and treated the celebrity contestants with warm-hearted good humour.
The two teams were comedy entertainers dressed up as pantomime characters – The Dick Whittingtons and (as featured in ‘Jack & The Beanstalk’) The Trotts.
The first question Les asked was, “Give an example of how to start a joke!”
The Whittingtons won the right to come up with four more answers by suggesting “I say! I say! I say!” as in ‘I say! I say! I say! My dog’s got no nose!’ “How does it smell?” ‘Terrible!’
If you thought that was out of the ark, their next answer was “Knock! Knock!”, their third was “Have you heard the one about . . . ?” and their fourth was “A funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre tonight!”
Even in the 1980s, when the series was made, I doubt that many comedians actually used any of those four introductions to jokes, but, then this was a game show and they needed to come up with five answers to win the round.
Ah! I can see you maths geniuses noticed I’ve only quoted four answers.
And there’s a reason for that. They couldn’t come up with a fifth, so lost the round.
When Les revealed what the missing answer was, both teams and me at home went “Yes, of course!”
It was the one that we haven’t heard for years . . . “There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman…!”
What! No mention of a Welshman?
Who can I complain to?

Remember when we were a nation of gardeners, stamp collectors, and amateur painters?
Well, fast forward to today, and we’ve transformed into a nation of pet owners.
And not just any pets, Oh No.
We’re talking about furry companions with Instagram accounts, matching sweaters, and beds that cost more than our first cars. Seriously, what happened?
The answer is simple: life has become a bit much.
We’re living in a whirlwind of chaos, deadlines, and notifications that never stop buzzing. So, what’s better than a living, breathing stress ball with fur and a talent for snoring like a chainsaw?
Enter pets. They’re the emotional support animals we never knew we needed.
Let’s face it, in a world where everyone is too busy to explain the difference between a “climate crisis” and a “self-care day,” it’s refreshing to have a companion who just wants belly rubs and snacks.
A dog doesn’t care if you haven’t showered in three days or if you accidentally texted your boss about your boss. They’re just thrilled to see you.
And let’s not forget the pure joy pets bring.
A cat curling up on your lap can turn a bad day into a cozy cuddle fest, while a dog looks at you like you’re the best thing since sliced bread. They’re like your personal cheerleaders, minus the pom-poms and with a lot more drool.
So, why are we a nation of pet owners? Because pets love us unconditionally, ask for very little, and, let’s be honest, they’re way better at emotional support than most humans.
Plus, they’ll never ghost you on a text. Isn’t that reason enough to adopt one?