I’m late writing this because I was rushed to hospital last week.
There was nothing wrong with me. My sleeve caught in an ambulance door.
While I was being dragged along, I felt stupid.  Especially when people recognised me and I had to return their friendly-but-puzzled waves with my free arm.

But, as stupid as I felt, as we all know, there’s some very stupid persons around.  AKA… VSPs.
A friend of mine recently travelled by train to Northampton from Cardiff which involved changing at Birmingham New Street station. As he hadn’t been there for decades, he was amazed at its transformation.
He reckoned it was like being inside Cardiff airport – but with more people about.
As he crossed the vast concourse and stopped to look up at the Arrival and Departure board, he felt someone suddenly bump into him from behind.
He turned around to see an angry young male VSP holding a phone in his hand on which he’d obviously been texting – thus preventing him from seeing my friend’s 5’ 10” frame standing in front of him.
But. instead of apologising for bumping into my friend, the VSP who’d been oblivious to people around him as he texted, proved conclusively he was a VSP by shouting at my friend “Oi Mate! You can’t just stop walking when you want to like that!” You can’t what!?
The angry VSP actually meant, “You shouldn’t get in my way when I’m texting because I’m more important than you.”
The belligerent Brummie then said, “So what have you got to say?”
Now, while my friend is no Dwayne Johnson, he does possess an impressive inventory of incendiary insults he could have used to verbally immolate the VSP. But, there were families around and the VSP was simmering with such self-important anger that things could have turned ugly.
My friend casually asked, “Where can I get a coffee and a sandwich?”
The VSP didn’t or wouldn’t answer, muttered something under his breath and hurried off, texting again! No lessons learned that day!
Lewis Carroll warned “Beware the Jabberwock, my son!”
I say, “Beware the VSP…everyone!”

Well I’ve dug out my Speedos, filled up the paddling pool, repaired the barbeque and prepared the patio area in readiness for the best summer to date.

Weather gurus are already optimistic, so that’s good enough for me.
Already every garden in the street is blooming and the local garden centres could possibly have the best trading year to date, according to reports.
Now, what we actually need for a perfect summer in Wales is our sunny days to run one after the other.
From February to November, we probably get enough beautiful sunny days to make a whole sunny summer; they are just randomly dotted throughout the year, scattered between rain, snow, hail, sleet and anything else the weather gods deem fit to throw at us.  Anyone know who I can call about this?
Just about anything is available to arrange on the internet now, so surely there is something the Met Office can do to make sure summers are always sunny?

Actually, I wonder if controlling the weather will be a thing of the future?
Off to make a few enquiries

As regular readers know, I’m a sucker for funny stories about entertainers, comedians and musicians.
One of my favourites sounds like it was made up, but I’m assured it’s absolutely 100% true and that it’s been handed down by musicians since it happened in the mid 1960s.
It involves a jazz pianist, composer and arranger named Don Innes (1928-2015) who, in 1966, despite his talents, hadn’t worked much for a while and was at the time, in showbusiness parlance “Heavily available”.
Then one day, a film producer ‘phoned him out of the blue.
He was making a big-budget thriller based around the 1963 Great Train Robbery, and although they’d hired composer Johnny Keating to write the movie’s main score, they wanted Don to write short pieces of ‘incidental jazz music’ for scenes set in a night club or jazz club, to add to the authentic ‘cool’ atmosphere.
Don set about composing and the producers were so pleased with the quality of his work, they asked him to write more mood music for other scenes.
Around a year later the film, starring Stanley Bakcr and directed by Peter Yates (whose next film was Bullitt!) was released under the title “Robbery”, although Don and his wife still referred to it as “The Great Train Robbery”.
The film was a worldwide success, and it wasn’t long before royalty cheques started arriving at Don’s house.
One day when they were wandering around the West End, Don and his wife went into a very expensive piano shop where a grand piano took his eye. He sat down on the stool, tinkled the ivories and immediately fell in love with it.
When the salesman mentioned the piano cost £9,500, Don nodded, put down the lid and was about to walk out when his wife, quite innocently, said “But Don. We can afford it. We’ve got the money from ‘The Great Train Robbery’!”
The salesman disappeared into his office, dialled 999 and a minute later two police cars, sirens blaring, screeched to a halt outside!
It took Mr and Mrs Innes quite some time to explain themselves!

As the sun starts to shine down on Wales, it’s time to start thinking about the dangers of overexposure to the sun.
Yes, that’s right – those sunny rays can do more damage than you may think!
Firstly, there’s the risk of turning into a human tomato.
No one wants to look like a walking, talking vegetable, so be sure to wear sunscreen with a high SPF to protect your delicate skin.
Secondly, there’s the risk of becoming a lobster.
Lobsters may be tasty, but no one wants to resemble one. So, don’t forget to wear a hat and cover up with clothing to prevent your skin from turning red and peeling.
Lastly, there’s the risk of becoming a human raisin.
Sun exposure can dry out your skin, leaving it wrinkled and leathery.
So, make sure to stay hydrated and moisturized to keep your skin looking youthful and fresh.
In conclusion, while the sun may be a welcome change from the Welsh rain, it’s important to protect yourself from its harmful effects.
So, slap on some sunscreen, cover up, and stay hydrated – your skin will thank you!

Many things about modern life make me bang my head repeatedly against my living room wall in frustration – which is bad for my cranium, but very lucrative for the plasterers, painters and decorators I have on speed dial to repair the damage.
The damage to the wall. Not my cranium.
Some recently-applied plaster, together with two light fittings and a mirror that hung on my next-door neighbour’s adjoining wall, suffered impact damage from my forehead after I’d read that the Globe Theatre on the South Bank of the Thames issued a ‘trigger warning’ to potential audiences that one of their productions contained scenes that might upset them.
In case you were unaware, the Globe stages plays written by a fellah called William Shakespeare, who…spoiler alert…died 400 years ago!
Many of the Bard of Avon’s full-blooded dramas have tragic final scenes. In “Hamlet”, only Horatio survives. Macbeth’s head is chopped off by Macduff. The career of “Julius Caesar” is ended – as often happens to people in positions of power – by a bunch of envious backstabbers.
And no one has ever gone to see “King Lear” for the jokes.
Audiences in previous centuries didn’t need warnings. Why do we?
I wonder what American tourists thought when The Globe produced “Romeo And Juliet” and warned “The play contains poison and fake blood”?
“Forget it, honey! They’re not using real blood!”.
Most people, even if they haven’t seen any of the stage, film and TV adaptations of the tale (or the updated musical version “West Side Story”) know the star-crossed lovers both cop it at the end – a moment which should bring an audience to tears.
As in life, sad things happen in drama and books.
As we grow up, they help us learn about death and grief and we shouldn’t be shielded from them.
No-one gave me a trigger warning that “All the King’s Horses and all the King’s Men couldn’t put Humpty together again” or that Little Johnny Green threw “Pussy in the well”.
Actually, having been scrammed by next door’s cat that morning, it cheered me up no end!

Festivals, oh festivals!  They are the perfect excuse to have fun, let loose and forget about the stress of everyday life.
Whether it’s music, food, art or culture, there is always something for everyone to enjoy.
Festivals bring people together, creating a sense of community and camaraderie. We get to meet new friends and explore new cultures, all while having a good time.
But it’s not just about the fun and games.
Festivals also have a huge impact on our local economies.
They provide a platform for small businesses to showcase their products and services, and they generate revenue for our communities.
They also create jobs and opportunities for local artists and performers, giving them a chance to showcase their talents to a wider audience.
So, let’s show our support for festivals!
Attend them, volunteer, and promote them on social media.
Let’s keep the good times rolling and continue to celebrate life in all its forms.
After all, life is too short not to enjoy the good times, and festivals are the perfect way to do just that!