You’ve probably noticed we’ve been in various lockdowns  (plus a 17-day ‘Firebreak’ in Wales that was a lockdown in all but name) for more than a year.

Although we haven’t been able to travel far, communications moved further, faster and in greater numbers.

We’re bombarded daily with information, statistics, official figures, opinions and viewpoints that our brains are expected to absorb and mentally digest.

We managed okay before the internet, zoom calls, texts, e-mails, breakfast TV and 24-hour rolling news, but since they’ve become part of our lives, there are more platforms for people to insult, mock or shut down anyone who’s opinion they disagree with.

A friend of mine recently read an on-line article that stated “Pan’s People” – resident dancers on “Top Of The Pops” 40 years ago – objectified women.  And teenage boys and young men shouldn’t have watched them.

Talk about redundant retro-criticism!

My friend remembered “Pan’s People” often wore more clothes than the girls in the audience and danced to 70s hits like “Chirpee Chirpee Cheep Cheep!” & “Ernie – The Fastest Milkman In The West”, so it was doubtful PP stirred hidden male desires.

In response, he wrote this tongue-in-cheek post…

“Are you suggesting that during the three minutes Pan’s People were dancing, young men like me should have averted our gaze and read a book instead?”

Almost immediately a humourless poster sniffily responded…

“If you’d read more books in your youth instead of watching Pan’s People, you wouldn’t have become such a prime example of toxic masculinity!”

Wow!

Even Janet Street-Porter would’ve considered that an over-reaction!

My friend, who could never be described as a ‘toxic male’, was shocked and initially reluctant to respond, but eventually felt he had to…

“I’ve loved and read books since I was a child and written several of my own, plus screenplays, stage productions and over 400 TV shows. I’ve worked with actresses, make-up girls, and many female singers, dancers & TV presenters without ever being accused of ‘toxic masculinity’.

“Please think twice before aiming further inaccurate insults at people you know nothing about.”

Unsurprisingly, the other poster didn’t respond.

Don’t you just love nature and waking up on a sunny Sunday morning to lawnmower and petrol strimmers howling in the background?
Yes, I bet you do.

Sunday morning is the only chance I get to have that extra hour of quality rest to recover from the demands of the week – but clearly others among us have their own ideas at this time of year.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to a well-kept back yard and a neatly-trimmed bush, but a few of my neighbours have taken this too far and have invested in those high powered, turbo-charged, petrol-driven hedge cutters.

Their enthusiasm for these new gadgets has meant that the whole street wakes up early to find out where the noise is coming from.  I honestly thought that a Formula One racing team had relocated their practice sessions to Ammanford – and broken the non-essential workforce rules.

But, don’t worry about me, I’ve sorted it and will be ready for next weekend as I’ve invested in a large box of ear plugs!

I’m not a big fan of Saturday night telly, but last weekend I watched “Catchphrase”, originally hosted by Roy “That’s a good answer…but it’s not right!” Walker and currently by magician Stephen “Will the middle solve the riddle?” Mulhern.

I’ve also seen the ‘celebrity’ version with the extra round… “Any idea who these celebrities are?”

Halfway through the regular show I realised the pictures giving clues to each ‘catchphrase’, were proverbs, metaphors, adages and even song titles.

They weren’t catchphrases that comedians and entertainers, used like “You are awful…but I like you!” and “Hello playmates!”*

*No prizes for guessing whose catchphrases they were.

Now a whole generation thinks a ‘wet blanket’ or a ‘night owl’ are catchphrases when they’re metaphors.

Young comedians today don’t have catchphrases, possibly because they associate them with flat-capped, northern, working-class comics with dressing rooms full of whippets.

Which is such a tired cliché.

They had racing pigeons, not whippets.

The always immaculately turned-out southern entertainer Bruce Forsyth found a catchphrase by accident when a contestant on the “Beat The Clock” game show segment on “Sunday Night At The London Palladium” started behaving awkwardly.

Bruce jokily told him “I’m in charge!” and the following day as Bruce walked through London, dozens of people came up to him, saying “I’m in charge!”
Bruce realised he’d struck catchphrase gold.

His Palladium successor, Norman Vaughan’s catchphrase was “Swinging!” (accompanied by a thumbs-up) and “Dodgy!” (accompanied by a thumbs-down).

Having a popular catchphrase gave the extremely nervous Norman confidence, but his Palladium gig eventually got the thumbs down from TV bosses.

However, he went on to co-create the game show “Bullseye!” on which Jim Bowen had a famous catchphrase.

It’s not easy hosting a game show, remembering the rules, scores and camera positions while putting the contestants at ease when you’re almost as nervous as them.

In the first series, the inexperienced Jim asked a contestant what he did for a living and his reply was “I’m out of work!”

Without thinking, a frazzled Jim automatically replied…
“Super, smashing, great!”

The amiable Jim told that story against himself for years afterwards.

I have just realised that I’ve been contributing to the local newspapers since June 2014.

I am slightly surprised by the fact that I continue to come up with new ideas and stories on a weekly basis, especially as I haven’t been out much to do my usual ‘people watching’ lately.

I just happened to be approached and accepted the challenge in my usual enthusiastic way.

Having said that, I now get a great deal of positive feedback in my inbox on a weekly basis, and it is lovely to know that readers are gaining some pleasure from my work.

Even my doctor commented recently, which totally threw me as he was carrying out my first ever prostate examination at the time.  My reply was quite high pitched.

Not the conversation I was expecting and not that I have a prostate issue – but I’m at the age where regular check-ups are advisory.

If you are male and of a mature age then make sure you also have a regular check up of anything that might be worrying you.

You can thank me later.

People often say the stupidest things without thinking.  Even the brightest, cleverest people do it.  And me.

Just this week I heard someone make a comment I’ve heard a thousand times, but never gave any previous thought to.

On this particular occasion the words I’d heard so many times before, got caught in the ‘fishing net’ inside my brain that occasionally provides me with a tasty ‘catch’ which I can write an article about.

I was in my local supermarket, naturally only buying essential items (with the wet weather we’ve had recently, a frogman’s outfit and harpoon gun for underwater fishing must be essential and if we have a particularly wet April and a cod shortage, you’ll be sorry you didn’t invest in them) and I overheard a conversation between a man and a woman.

They might have been an ordinary married couple, but as he was tall, dark haired and good-looking in roguish sort of way and she was a glamorous blonde who, to quote Raymond Chandler “Had a face that could make a Bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window”.

My guess was they were illicit lovers embroiled in a torrid affair that was doomed from their first passionate encounter on the Cote D’azur.  I must stop reading those Mills and Boon novels.  After I’ve finished “Love Is Lovelier The Second Time Around, But I’ll Need A Short Tea Break Before We Try For a Third!”

The couple were talking about a film they’d seen on TV the previous night which was so bad, the man said…”That’s two hours of our lives we’ll never get back!”  Which is Number One in the Phil Evans sponsored “Most Stupidly Poinltess Statements Humans Can Make!” charts.

Because whether they’ve watched a terrible film, mowed the lawn or kicked a hole in a stained-glass window, the fact is, it’s scientifically impossible for anyone to get just one-tenth of a second of their life back, let alone two hours.

So people – please stop using that expression. I need to calm down. Where’s that Mills and Boon book?

Over the years, I’ve written much about the great and the good that the ‘biker’ community do.  I am also a biker.  Well, not so much this year due to travel restrictions.  Which brings me swiftly along to the point in question….

Last weekend, I was amazed to see at least 15 bikers ride through Ammanford.  I must have missed the First Minister’s briefing on “essential travel only, unless you ride a Harley Davidson”. The rules obviously didn’t apply to these bikers.

Just stop and imagine for a moment, that just ONE of these bikers has Covid.

They stop for a toilet break, to buy a coffee, fill up with petrol, grab a bite to eat . . . you are spreading it, simple as that, which is why you have been told to stay home.  Simple, eh?

The virus doesn’t move, we move it.

My partner has worked during the whole of the pandemic in the thick of it at Morriston Hospital, along with all of her colleagues, day in, day out.  She is coming home every day mentally and physically drained.  She has to place her uniform, which she has had to carry home in a sealed bag, into the washing machine.  She then has to shower before I even get my cwtsh.

Her colleagues do the same, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; they haven’t seen family and loved ones for months.

So, what makes you think it’s ok for you to ride around the countryside spreading your germs?

Stay at home, because the rest of us abiding by the rules would also like to go out at some point this year.

Loyal readers will be aware that every now and then (spurred on by something I’ve read or heard about that makes me think the world is taking leave of its senses) I have to share my strong feelings on the matter with you in this esteemed publication.

Some weeks ago, I mentioned that a Hollywood moguls reference to a handful of famous actors setting up their own movie studio – “The inmates have taken over the asylum” – applies more now than back in the 1920s when it was first uttered.  Read this article and tell me I’m incorrect!

And if you have tears, prepare to shed them now…

After three and a half decades, the long and happy marriage of Mister and Mrs Potato Head has finally frittered away.  Mrs Potato Head didn’t ‘fry’ off the handle and give her husband a roasting for have a roving eye.  Well, okay, he has.  Two roving eyes in fact.  Plus a roving nose and two roving ears!

However, the couple aren’t to blame for the marriage crumbling like an over-baked potato.

Hasbro, the mighty world-wide game and toy manufacturer, has decided that later this year, their 70-year-old, highly popular toys, Mister and Mrs Potato Head, will be re-branded simply as “Potato Head”, having presumably decided that in 2021 there’s no market for male and female potatoes.

Not that anyone actually rummages through the potato bin at the supermarket or the grocers, basing the decision on which ones to buy on what sex they are.  That would be a fruitless exercise.  Because a potato isn’t a fruit. It’s a vegetable.

I hope Mr and Mrs Potato Head have a good agent – otherwise they won’t be appearing in future “Toy Story” films.

Although Hasbro Toys have been around for years, when their Mister Potato Head first appeared in 1952 he wasn’t a plastic potato.  He was just a collection of plastic ears, eyes and nose that children had to stick into real potatoes.

Imagine waking up on Christmas morning the first year Mister Potato Head was on sale to find some little pieces of coloured plastic and a King Edward stuffed inside your stocking!

On Saturday, I was reminded that Spring was about to arrive.  I found some rabbit droppings on my lawn.  This got me thinking. Has the winter gone?

Could we be in for some long overdue fine weather?

Have we now seen the last of those dreadful floods for another year?

Well, we have had a few days of clear skies, but for many it’s still too soon to go outdoors without a vest.  My gran always told me to keep my vest on until the end May for some reason. Some of you reading this may be able to clarify this for me and the reason behind it.

So, should I start tiding the patio area, get ready to paint the decking and possibly invest in one of those modern state-of-the-art barbecues?

Or shall I hang on a bit just in case the proper snow hasn’t arrived yet?

Only in Wales . . .