In the newspaper world, August has been referred to as ‘The Silly Season’ for years and I suspect it was given that title because that’s when Parliament is in summer recess.

It’s the season when the old duffers dozing in the House Of Lords are carried out (still dozing) to their Rolls, Bentleys and Reliant Robin Turbos and driven (still dozing) down to their country residences where they spend the summer huntin’, fishin’ and snoozin’.

So, as it is the “Silly Season”, I might as well join in and try and bring a smile to your faces.  Who said, “That’d be a first?”

The other day I was sitting in that new cafe “Godfathers” – you know, the place that’s so confident they serve the best hot drinks in town they promise to make every customer a coffee they can’t refuse – reading a newspaper article that made me laugh out loud.

Unfortunately, the newspaper in question belonged to the man at the next table and on hearing my laughter and noticing my elbow was dangerously close to his toasted teacake, he gave me a look that, if it wasn’t actually ‘filthy’ needed a shower, picked up his paper, coffee and toasted teacake and moved to another table…in another café.

Fortunately, I recall the article that tickled my funny bone was about the type of TV quiz show contestants who should never be TV quiz show contestants and the daft answers they gave to general knowledge questions.
Here’s some that might make you chuckle… Bradley Walsh on “The Chase”
“What Michael Caine film takes its name from a painting by Leonardo Da Vinci?”
Contestant: “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” (It was “Mona Lisa”)
“The Connemara pony is named after an area in which country?”
Contestant: “India”
Ben Shephard on “Tipping Point”
“Welsh MP Stephen Kinnock is the son of which former Labour Leader?”
Contestant: “Tony Blair”. (The answer is Neil Kinnock)
“On what date every year is Christmas Day celebrated?”
Contestant: “Wednesday”

And my favourite…

Link FM Daily Quiz
“What was the name of the famous colonel who invented Kentucky Fried Chicken?”
Contestant: “Colonel Mustard”
It seems that, for some people, ‘The Silly Season’ lasts all year round.

Is it just my imagination or are there really more cyclists on our roads at this point in time?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed so many more brightly-coloured and lycra-clad two-wheel enthusiasts whilst on my travels.  From the early hours of the morning to the darkest hours of the night.

Their energy and commitment must be applauded as every form of exercise is without doubt a step in the right direction.

On a personal note, I’m not sure if I would enjoy clocking up the miles in all conditions with view to keeping fit and healthy. But not everyone thinks like me – fortunately.

And before you say anything, I already know that I would look ridiculous is colourful and tight-fitting lycra.

I do like seeing these crazy people head down and peddling – but can’t help but think as to how vulnerable they are on our ever increasing busy roads.

Time to THINK BIKE for our two-wheeled population. This is something that we should all be embracing.  After all, cyclists have been around a lot longer than us motorists.

Just a thought . . .

Is it just my imagination or are there really more cyclists on our roads at this point in time?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed so many more brightly-coloured and lycra-clad two-wheel enthusiasts whilst on my travels.

From the early hours of the morning to the darkest hours of the night.
Their energy and commitment must be applauded as every form of exercise is without doubt a step in the right direction.

On a personal note, I’m not sure if I would enjoy clocking up the miles in all conditions with view to keeping fit and healthy.  But not everyone thinks like me – fortunately.  And before you say anything, I already know that I would look ridiculous is colourful and tight-fitting lycra.

I do like seeing these crazy people head down and peddling – but can’t help but think as to how vulnerable they are on our ever increasing busy roads.
Time to THINK BIKE for our two-wheeled population. This is something that we should all be embracing. After all, cyclists have been around a lot longer than us motorists.

Just a thought . . .

If I told you a 115-foot ‘monster’ will be displayed in a seaside town across the Bristol Channel and easily accessible by road and rail from our neck of the woods, you’d say I’m tugging your lower extremities – i.e. pulling your leg.

But Weston-Super-Mare will soon be the temporary home of “The See Monster” an enormous de-commissioned oil rig that spent 30 years being battered by the waves and the elements.  “What’s so interesting about a rusting, salt-encrusted hulk?” I hear you ask.  And I shall respond with a witty retort worthy of Oscar Wilde . . .

“Read on!”

In 2021, the rig was taken from its North Sea site to a Netherlands shipyard and stripped, cleaned and recommissioned.  In early July, it was placed on a flat-bed barge – imagine the logistics involved! – and brought across the North Sea, through the English Channel and up the Bristol Channel to WSM, where it was, in another tremendous logistical feat, moved onto the beach.

I bet that day it was far from all quiet on the Weston front. Shall I get me coat?

Then, work immediately commenced to turn it into a spectacular art installation – a unique visitor attraction that aims to create conversations regarding sustainability and the environment.

The rig has been re-named “The See Monster” by the various companies who collaborated with Weston Town Council and North Somerset Council to bring this unique attraction to WSM.

At 115-feet, “The See Monster” is taller than the Angel Of The North and far easier to spot than Anthony Gormley’s famous winged statue . . . if you’re in Weston.

When the art installation is complete ,it’ll be on four levels and feature a 33-foot waterfall, a seated ampitheatre, a green oasis and 6000 shimmering ‘scales’ that’ll give it the appearance of a sea monster.

If you fancy a close encounter with the monster, no need to rush. It’ll be there until the end of October when, in accordance with its sustainability message, it’ll all be taken down and recycled.

I’ve been looking for a conversation piece for my garden, so I might put an offer in for the waterfall…

When we have a heat wave that’s so sizzling you see chickens laying fried eggs on the pavement, I wonder “What is the point of wearing a tie?”
Or, as our American cousins call it . . . ‘the neck tie’.

Because it’s the most pointless, useless item of clothing known to man – and when the weather is sweltering it’s also the most annoying.  I don’t often wear them, but there are occasions other than weddings and funerals when I’m expected to dress formerly – which means a collar and tie. Oh, and trousers!  I don’t want to be arrested for that again.  And if the venue is hot, I get bothered.

The sole purpose of a tie is to act as a barrier against soup, curry and red wine staining a man’s shirt. Ties can also cause family rifts. One Christmas my mother bought me a red tie and a blue tie.  I went upstairs to get dressed and came down wearing the red one.  My mother glared at me and said “So . . . what’s wrong with the other one?”

It won’t be long before summer packs away her swimsuit, sandals and bucket and spade and disappears out of your front door just as autumn, clad in a warm sweater and stout leather shoes, starts rapping on your back door, demanding entry.

Take my advice, do what I do and keep him waiting out in the garden until the last possible moment. Because once autumn gets his proverbial feet under the table, the leaves will start to fall and the nights will draw in.

The only advantage about darker nights is the possibility there may be some new entertaining and engrossing programmes in the terrestrial TV schedules.
Because this summer they’ve been shockingly poor.

As an aside, I once heard that when Noel Edmonds hosted his popular Saturday night show “Noel’s House Party”, it was written into his contract that when a new series began every autumn, it had to start the weekend after the clocks changed. Because darker nights mean more people huddle around their tellies, maximising the TV ratings.  If I had a hat, I’d take it off to him.

I have a theory that every year seems to fly by due to shops and supermarkets promoting certain items ridiculously well in advance of when they’re actually needed.

For example . . .

I was in a well-known High Street stationers/newsagents/book sellers (it can’t seem to make its mind up what it is) a month ago and was astonished to see a display of pens, pencils, rulers and exercise books marked “BACK TO SCHOOL!”

A full three weeks before schoolchildren had even broken-up for the summer holidays, their parents were being cajoled into buying things that wouldn’t be needed until September.

Also in early July, a friend was in a branch of the shop that rhymes with “The Nurks” and as he paid for his purchases (I don’t associate with shop lifters, my friends!) and jokily remarked “I’m surprised next year’s calendars aren’t on sale!”, the assistant replied “They’re on display upstairs. And next week we’re bringing the new Christmas crackers out of the storeroom!”

Let me be the first to wish you “Happy Easter 2023!”

As I write, the biggest street party in Europe is in full swing.  At the start of August, the greatest show on earth geared up for its 74th anniversary and the streets of Edinburgh came alive with performers and tourists from the four corners of the world.

For a whole month, the city doesn’t sleep, while more than 3,000 shows take place, with something to suit everyone.

In a few weeks’ time, many of the shows that appeared in Edinburgh will be travelling the length and breadth of the UK to perform.

The performing arts and live shows help our economy and instil a feeling of wellbeing among both artists and the audience members.

Creative arts are part of the joy of humanity.  But they can so often be overlooked in our current education system in favour of more ‘useful’ subjects such as science and maths.

Undoubtedly, there is increasing pressure on young children and schools to achieve outstanding exam results, but, unfortunately, only a few schools see the value of creativity.

Somehow, we need to get the message out there, and to start with, we could all support live entertainment, in all its forms.

Go on, I dare you. Check out what’s on and book tickets today to see more live entertainment; it will lift your spirits.  Together we can make a difference.

Have you noticed people often use words in entirely the wrong context without realising it?

No? Then maybe you’re one of them!

A quick diversion before I continue this theme.  Kate Bush’s recent return to the pop charts surprised me as I didn’t realise the charts still existed in this era of downloads and (what’s it called?) Spotty Guy?

I assumed the “Top 20” was consigned to history along with the Sinclair C5 and family mealtimes during which everyone joined in a lively conversation without glancing at their phones every three minutes.

Kate reached the No1 Spot in June with “Running Up That Hill” thanks to it being used on the soundtrack of the Netflix series “Stranger Things”.

At the end of the line “I’m running up that hill”, the young Kate who wrote and recorded the song more than 30 years ago, remarks that she’s hurriedly making her way to the top of the incline “With no problem!”

I hope Kate’s still fit enough to do so without needing to take a breather mid-run.

All this leads me to one of the “Stranger Things” I’ve noticed recently – the needless use of the expression “No problem!”

At a supermarket checkout recently, before I paid for my goods, the check-out assistant asked if I needed a carrier bag.

When I said “No thanks”, her response was… “No problem!”

Had I wanted a bag and she’d run out of them, that would have been a problem. That it was ‘No problem’ for her I didn’twant a bag made no sense to me.

In a café the other day, when the waiter brough my lunch, he asked if I wanted any sauces. When I replied “No thanks!” guess what he said? “No problem!”

In what world was it ‘No problem’ for him that I didn’t want any sauces?
People say it automatically, like repeating a mantra.

And don’t get me started on waiting staff who bring the food to your table and say “Enjoy!” with a flourish! Because I could cheerfully scream “Whether I enjoy it or not isn’t up to you. It’s up to the chef who cooked it!” with absolutely no problem.

The cost of holidays has rocketed again, making it far too expensive for many parents to go and enjoy family time together.

It has been well documented that some holidays are between two and six times more expensive during the peak school holiday periods.

The majority of the public see this as exploitation – and who can blame them?

Many get into debt and end up paying huge rates of interest for the privilege of borrowing, which is an added cost to an already over-inflated holiday break.

Gone are the days where many valley folk would venture to Porthcawl and Barry Island during miners’ fortnight to spend two weeks in an old, damp and mouldy caravan, where the whole family had to walk half a mile to the other side of the site to visit the toilet and have a cold shower.

Not to mention the carrying of the water butt back to ensure a supply of tea, coffee and squash.

And all this took place, more often than not, in the rain.

The two-week holiday in Wales back then prepared us for outdoor pursuits and the Duke of Edinburgh Award.

I can’t say that I miss those days, but I’m sure many readers would agree that it was all very character building and gave us some amazing memories and stories to pass on to the younger generation.

I’m reliably informed there was a time when, if a member of the public had a particular grievance, their chosen method of airing it was to write ‘A stiff letter to The Times’ and sign it “Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells”.

How that complaints system worked out for people who lived in Ammanford, Inveraray or Walton-On-The-Naze, I’ve not been told.

If The Times printed the letter, the complainant was satisfied and moved on to find something new to complain about.

If the newspaper decided not to print it, presumably The Times received a follow-up complaint letter signed “Even MoreDisgusted of Tunbridge Wells”.
Today, in a world saturated with social media and 24-hour TV news channels desperate to fill airtime with controversial arguments, all the “Disgusteds of Tunbridge Wells” out there have innumerable platforms to air their complaints.

So, isn’t it odd that someone who’d paid to see a comedian not known for his inoffensive, gentle humour, was so ‘offended’ by one particular joke that, instead of complaining via social media, they phoned the police?

Comedian Joe Lycett recently revealed this happened to him while he was on tour earlier this year.

With so many unsolved crimes on their hands plus all the other difficulties of their job, you’d think the cops would have told the person not to waste police time.

But no!

They decided to investigate and ‘paid a visit’ to Joe Lycett to discuss the matter.

Joe was naturally shocked that the police would involve themselves in something so trivial.

He revealed that as nice as they were to him, they told him they ‘had a duty to investigate’.

No, they didn’t!

Their duty is to catch burglars, car thieves, drug dealers and all the other miscreants causing real harm to society.

That they took notice of one audience member, who ‘took offence’ at one joke in a two-hour show and thought the most logical way to complain about it was to call the boys in blue, beggars belief.

Before you ask, I don’t know what the exact joke was.  All I know is, it involved a donkey.  And I don’t mean the audience member who made an ass of them-self.