I love newspaper and magazine cartoons. To amuse readers with a small drawing, accompanied by a brief caption, is an art.
I’d like to create one made up of two panels.
The first shows an immaculate female assistant in a babywear shop that has a sign saying ‘MOTHERCARE’.
The adjoining panel would show a similar shop, but the assistant has curlers in her hair, scruffy clothes and a ciggie dangling from the corner of her mouth. The sign behind her says ‘MOTHER DON’T CARE’.
If that didn’t make you smile, as Frankie Howerd used to say, “Oh, please yourselves!”
Talking of ‘Care’, when you phone large companies for information there seems to be a lack of customer care.
A mate of mine had cause to phone his insurance company, the name of which I will not  mention.
Older readers will know which one, if I reveal the company’s HQ is in the city where Nicholas Parsons’ ‘Quiz of the week . . . Sale Of The Century’ came from.
That day he’d received a letter from the company containing information completely contradicting the contents of a letter they’d sent him two weeks previously. So, he phoned them for clarification.
After going through the tortuous ‘Press 1 for this, Press 5 for that’ (Press 99 for aspirins’ procedure!), he was put through to a real person.
A real person with a real attitude as it turned out.
My mate’s initial “Hello?” was met with silence for a few seconds.
Then a rather disinterested male voice said, “Yes?” . . . like Basil Fawlty being interrupted during his tea break.
Each attempt by my mate to explain why he was calling was met with a (seemingly) contemptuous silence before the male voice responded in a desultory manner.
Fearing he still hadn’t explained himself clearly, my mate continued to elaborate, only to be rudely interrupted by a waspish “If you let me finish!”
Oh boy!
Hardly the ‘caring’ way to address a customer whose ‘Call is important to us’?
After hearing the full story, I suggested the chap’s name might be the same as his manner . . . Curt!
Oh, please yourselves!

As we grow older, the urge to declutter and organize our surroundings becomes almost irresistible.
Last weekend, I decided to embark on a noble mission, cleaning out the garden shed. Little did I know that this seemingly mundane task would turn into a delightful adventure filled with laughter, nostalgia, and a few surprises.
Armed with determination and a pair of gloves, I opened the creaky door to my shed, only to be greeted by a cloud of dust and a blast from the past.
The shed, once a sanctuary for my tools, had transformed into a treasure trove of forgotten memories.
Amidst the cobwebs and rusty tools, I stumbled upon a box labelled “Childhood Treasures.”
Curiosity piqued, I eagerly lifted the lid and was transported back to a time when life was much simpler. There, nestled among worn-out toys and faded photographs, were relics of my youth.
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I unearthed a collection of marbles, each with its own story. These tiny spheres, once the currency of childhood games, held a certain magic that had long been forgotten.
In the corner of the shed, I discovered a dusty old record player.
With a sense of nostalgia, I wiped off the dust and set the needle on a vinyl record. The crackling sound filled the shed, transporting me back to a time when music was cherished without the distractions of modern technology.
But the surprises didn’t end there.
I stumbled upon a forgotten journal, where my younger self had poured out dreams and musings. Reading my own words, I marveled at the resilience and innocence that had shaped my journey.
As I continued my cleaning spree, I realised the shed held more than just physical items; it held memories and a reflection of who I had become.
So, dear reader, take a moment to revisit your own forgotten treasures. You never know what hidden gems await you.
As for me, the garden shed may still need tidying up, but my heart feels lighter, my spirit uplifted, and my journey through life enriched by the rediscovery of forgotten treasures.

MY guess is that you’re a well-informed person with your finger on the pulse of what’s going on in the world – even though it’s been tough to assimilate so much of it lately and still stay sane!
I would imagine that, apart from being a regular reader of this esteemed publication, you also peruse the printed pages of other periodicals. And, in doing so, you’ll have noticed that some of these papers (not, let me make it clear, this one) tend to use the same phrases in their headlines almost every day, hoping to catch the eye of the reader.
One current favourite is to claim that someone in the public eye ‘BREAKS SILENCE’ about his or her marriage split/latest boob enhancement/financial woes/lost budgie etc etc.
I’ll put my cards on the table right now and admit that nine times out of 10, I have no idea who these people are who’ve decided to ‘break their silence’.
That’s probably due to the fact I haven’t watched any TV soaps since the time Ena Sharples ruled Coronation Street (is she still there, by the way?)
I never watch reality shows; and, being over 21, I pay scant attention to ‘What’s hot and what’s not’ in the pop charts.
I thought Drake was the bloke who fended off the Spanish Armada in 1588 and that Chelsea Handler was the manager of a London-based Premier League football team.
Consequently, I don’t know why or for how long these people have, apparently, been quietly biting their tongues, waiting for the right moment to ‘break their silence’ – and to be honest, I really don’t care.
Having said that, there is one Z-list ‘Silence Breaker’ I cannot help be aware of, because every couple of months this desperate attention-seeker (who doesn’t appear to possess any particular talent other than the mysterious ability to attract the attention of the tabloids) reportedly ‘BREAKS SILENCE’ about an allegedly ‘sensational’ weight loss.
In fact, this person ‘BREAKS SILENCE’ so frequently about losing weight, it begs the question, was there any period in recent times when they were ever silent!

Have you ever stopped to appreciate the delightful quirks of everyday life?
You know, those little moments that make you chuckle and remind you that the world is a wonderfully weird place?
Let’s take a moment to celebrate the absurdities that keep us smiling.
First up, let’s talk about the classic “lost sock” phenomenon.
You do the laundry, and somehow, one sock mysteriously vanishes into the abyss.
Is there a sock-eating monster lurking in your dryer?
Or perhaps they’ve formed a secret society, plotting their escape to a land where mismatched socks reign supreme.
Either way, it’s a reminder that life is full of surprises, some of which are just plain silly.
Then there are the supermarket encounters . . .
You’re minding your own business, trying to remember if you need more peanut butter, when suddenly you spot someone in the cereal aisle, deep in conversation with a box of Frosted Flakes.
“Tony, you’re right! I should definitely try that new recipe!”
It’s moments like these that make you wonder if you’ve stumbled into a sitcom.
And let’s not forget the joy of autocorrect fails.
You send a sweet message to your friend, only for your phone to turn “I miss you” into “I mistook you for a potato”.
Suddenly, you’re left explaining why you’re comparing your best friend to a starchy vegetable. But, hey, at least it gives you both a good laugh!
So, let’s embrace the quirks and oddities of life!
Whether it’s a lost sock, a supermarket chat, or a hilarious autocorrect blunder, these moments remind us to find joy in the unexpected.
After all, life is too short to take seriously. Let’s celebrate the funny side of everyday life.

“There’s no business like show business”, according to the song.
But a recent newspaper report I read revealed that for many industry professionals, right now, there appears to be no business at all.
You might find that hard to believe when, day after day, so many people referred to (rightly or wrongly) as ‘celebrities’ appear on breakfast, daytime and evening TV, enthusiastically promoting their latest TV show/film/CD/West End stage play or tour.
And there’s undoubtedly a certain lucky coterie of well-known performers who never seem to be out of work, flitting, it would appear, from one job to the next with barely time to take a long weekend break on Gower.
However, the hard truth is, at any one time, 90% of actors registered with their union, Equity, are out of work. Read that again: 90%!
And, while actors may get all the attention, in any film or TV production there are many other people involved behind the scenes, from directors, producers and writers, to carpenters, electricians and drivers.
The report I read mentioned that there is so little work in TV drama at the moment, producers and directors, with decades of experience bringing award-winning series to our screens, have had to take jobs as car park attendants, supermarket shelf stackers and in pubs, in order to pay the bills.
They’ve been unemployed for so long, the savings they put away for a rainy day have been washed away by continuous downpours.
A producer of a beloved sitcom hasn’t worked for 15 months and said the number of unemployed film and TV workers could fill a stadium.
What’s been described as an ‘existential crisis’ was caused partly by Covid, partly by the 2023 Writers Guild Of America strike, which held up many productions due to come to British studios.
It’s also because viewing habits have changed since Covid, with many younger people choosing to watch short videos on their phones rather than settle down to watch full-length drama episodes on TV.
So, remember, next time someone is directing you to a parking space, their previous job might have been directing Game Of Thrones.

Ah, pet hates! Those little annoyances that can turn a perfectly good day into a grumpy one faster than you can say “where’s my coffee?”
We all have them, and I’m no exception. So, grab a comfy seat and let’s dive into the delightful world of my personal pet hates, because sometimes, venting is the best therapy.
First up, let’s talk about irresponsible pet owners.
You know the type, they stroll through the park, their dog happily wagging its tail, while they blissfully ignore the little “gifts” left behind.
Seriously, people, it’s not a treasure hunt. If your dog decides to drop a deuce, it’s your responsibility to pick it up. I mean, I love a good surprise as much as the next person, but I prefer mine to come wrapped in a bow, not steaming on the pavement.
Next on my list are the litterbugs. You know who you are. You finish your snack and think, “Hey, why not just toss this wrapper on the ground?” Newsflash: The world is not your personal waste bin. If I wanted to see litter, I’d go to a landfill. Let’s keep our parks and streets clean, shall we?
And then there are those brave souls who leave public toilets without washing their hands. I mean, really? It’s like a game of Guess Who? but with germs.
If you can’t spare a few seconds to wash your hands, you might as well be handing out free samples of your latest bacteria collection.
So, dear readers, let’s take a moment to reflect on our own pet hates. What little annoyances get under your skin?
Maybe it’s time to channel that frustration into something positive, like a good laugh or a friendly reminder to those around us.
After all, life’s too short to let pet hates ruin our day.

We hear a lot about ‘influencers’ these days. The more mature and sensible among us avoid them completely.
If we should stumble over them occasionally, common sense compels us to stick our fingers in our ears, close our eyes and hum loudly. Provided we’re not travelling on public transport!
Along with ‘Circus clown’ and ‘Hollywood stuntman specialising in falls from high building and mountain peaks’, ‘Influencer’ wasn’t on the list of potential jobs that my careers master at school suggested I was cut out for.
To clarify, for the handful of readers who aren’t really sure what an influencer does and how they make a living, let me quote one description I read – “An influencer is a person who uses social media to promote or recommend products, services and lifestyles to their followers and can add serious credibility to brands”.
‘Serious credibility’ mentioned in the same sentence as ‘social media’? That has to be a first.
The ‘influencer’, who receives money to try and persuade (mainly) young people to part with theirs, may be a relatively modern phenomenon.
But when many people were growing up – certainly the generation before mine – an entirely different type of ‘influencer’ loomed large in their lives . . . and there were loads of them about.
By ‘influencers’, I am, of course, referring to ‘parents’, ‘grandparents’, ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’, ‘older siblings’, and even, if you were lucky, ‘next door neighbours’.
Potentially, these were the people who, as children and young teenagers, you listened to and learned from, even if you weren’t aware of it at the time.
You observed the way they behaved, ate, dressed and interacted with each other. And probably most important of all, the way they looked after you and looked out for you, helped form the adult you became.
I’m sure that still happens, but when economic necessity forces both parents to work (family members no longer live in close proximityand we may not know who our neighbours are), the positive influence of good people in the community dissolves.
Social media ‘influencers’ are a poor substitute.
By the way, I reckon I’d have made a brilliant Hollywood stuntman!

Get ready to party, folks, because festival season is back and better than ever!
If you’ve been feeling bogged down by the daily grind, it’s time to let your hair down, kick off your shoes, and dive headfirst into a world of pure fun.
Seriously, who needs therapy when you can dance like nobody’s watching and eat your weight in festival food?
From mind-blowing music that makes your heart race to mouth-watering food that could make a gourmet chef weep, and jaw-dropping art that’ll leave you questioning your life choices, there’s something for everyone at these epic gatherings!
Whether you’re a headbanger, a foodie, or an art aficionado, festivals have got you covered like sunscreen on a sunny day!
But wait, there’s more!
These fabulous festivities aren’t just good for our souls; they’re also a major boost for our local economies.
Think about it: small businesses get a chance to shine brighter than a disco ball, communities thrive like a well-watered plant, and jobs are created faster than you can say “free samples!”
It’s a win-win situation that even your accountant would approve of!
And let’s not forget about the talented artists and performers who get to strut their stuff in front of massive crowds. It’s their time to shine under the spotlight, and, trust me, they’re ready to bring the house down!
So, let’s get out there and support our favorite festivals!
Attend them, volunteer, and spread the word on social media like it’s your job (because, let’s be honest, it kind of is!).
Life is too short to miss out on the good times, and festivals are the ultimate celebration of life itself.
Get ready to dance, laugh, and create unforgettable experiences. The festival season is here, and it’s time to party like there’s no tomorrow!
Let’s make some memories, make some friends, and make the most of every moment!

If ever your spirits need lifting, may I recommend you watch any (or all) of the three Paddington films which have enchanted cinemagoers, DVD purchasers and TV watchers since the first one was released in 2014.
While watching the latest in the trilogy, 2024’s Paddington In Peru, it didn’t take me long to pick up on the fact the writers and producers had peppered it with several visual references to classic movies, from 2001: A Space Odyssey to Raiders Of The Lost Ark, which just added to the fun.
One visual gag was a very clever reconstruction of the famous scene in Buster Keaton’s Steamboat Bill Jnr (1928), where the wooden frontage of a house falls onto an unsuspecting Buster, who escapes injury as he’s standing under an open window.
This made me wonder what the difference is between what’s often generously referred to as an ‘hom-age’ to an original creative idea that’s previously been performed by someone . . . and ‘blatant theft’!
As styles of comedy have changed over the decades, ‘nicking jokes’ from other comedians happens less these days.
Many modern comedians don’t tell jokes, as such.
They prefer to create a routine or the whole of their act around one specific topic, quite often some personal trauma from their past.
The material is then so identified with that comic, no other performer would dare to ‘borrow’ any of it.
There’s a tendency to call what were once simply referred to as ‘jokes’, as ‘Dad’ jokes. Which is unfair to comedians who still entertain audiences by telling gags.
Barry Cryer was a much-admired, prolific comedy writer, yet there were stories about him allegedly watching comedians and writing down their jokes.
He was, apparently, so well-known for it that he once walked into a Green Room at the BBC where Spike Milligan was relaxing after a show.
On seeing Barry, Spike jumped up, threw himself against the wall as if he was about to be ‘frisked’ and said, “OK, Cryer! Don’t hurt me. Just take my gags”
A story that Barry probably told against himself more than once!

Ah, traffic and parking, my two main pet hates that seem to rear their ugly heads more often than a whack-a-mole game at the fair.
If you’ve ever found yourself circling the block for what feels like an eternity, only to end up with a parking fine that feels more like a stealth tax than a legitimate penalty, you’re not alone.
According to one of my loyal readers, parking fines are again on the rise, and it’s enough to make anyone want to pull their hair out.
Now, let’s talk about the local town car parks.
It’s downright frustrating to see parking charges increasing in the very towns that are struggling to fill commercial properties and shops.
It’s like putting a “Closed for Business” sign on the door of our beloved local businesses, which are fighting tooth and nail to maintain market share and attract customers.
These are the small businesses that have served us well for years, and I fear that a few won’t make it to the end of the year. Mark my words.
Increasing parking costs are like a “No Entry” sign for potential customers, deterring them from spending money that could support our local community.
So, here’s a thought: what if every councillor, member of parliament, and Welsh Senedd member had to undertake a recognised qualification in business studies, marketing, and management?
I mean, why are we still voting for candidates who seem to have less business acumen than a goldfish?
In my many years of engaging with local government members, I’ve found that they often lack a grasp of grassroots business matters and what truly drives the local economy.
If we want our hard-earned cash to stay in the community, we need thriving towns, not ghost towns. Otherwise, we’ll be spending our money on the motorways – and, let’s be honest, I hate traffic.
So, there you have it, my rant is over.
Let’s hope for a future where parking is affordable, local businesses thrive, and traffic jams become a thing of the past.
Now, if only I could find a parking spot . . .