Spring might well be the favourite time of the year for many, but April has been a particularly cruel month when it comes to well-loved comedians being taken from us.
Sid James died on the 26th of April 1976, while his ‘Carry On’ colleague Kenny Williams died 12 years later on the 15thof April 1988.
The Easter weekend of 1992 dealt British comedy a double blow.
Frankie Howerd passed away on Sunday April the 19th and the following day Benny Hill was found dead in his modest Teddington flat by his friend and long-time TV producer Dennis Kirkland.
There is speculation that Benny had passed away before Frankie, so perhaps they’re still arguing about it up there in the celestial comedy community.
Harry Secombe left us on April the 11th 2001, while more recently, in April 2020, during the pandemic, we lost Eddie Large on the 2nd and a stalwart of Radio Four’s panel show “I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue”, Tim Brooke-Taylor, on the 12th.
Probably the most famous death of a comedian in April was that of Tommy Cooper, who on April the 15th in 1984 collapsed, almost as he reached the end of his act, in front of millions of TV viewers during an episode of the popular variety series “Live From Her Majesty’s” hosted by Jimmy Tarbuck.
In the 39 years since then, Jimmy and others who were present in the theatre have spoken and written about what happened on that tragic night.
There have also been several documentaries made about Tommy and a whole new generation of fans are enjoying his old TV shows on YouTube.
As an indication that Tommy’s appeal has never waned, there is now a new stage musical about Tommy in development.
The script for “Cooper – The Musical” was written by Swansea’s multi-talented Stefan Pejic, who also stars as Tommy. Being an accomplished magician, he recreates many of Tommy’s classic routines.
According to reports from those who were privileged to attend a recent one-hour ‘sneak preview’ of the show at Blackwood Miner’s Institute (the closest theatre to Tommy’s Caerphilly birthplace), it has all the elements to make it a huge success –  laugh-out-loud comedy, memorable songs by Alison Summerhayes and David Smith, sung by a talented cast and dramatic moments that provide an insight into the complicated life of one of our most beloved comedy stars.
Let’s wish “Cooper The Musical” all the very best as it moves on to the next stage of development.
Spoon, jar, jar, spoon!
Thanguverymuch!

I almost didn’t write this week’s column, because yesterday, as I was reading some items online, drinking coffee and enjoying a blueberry muffin (that course I took in multi-tasking has paid off), the following item made me choke on the muffin and almost drown in coffee as it sprayed out of my nose . . .
“The oldest person in Wales to hold a full driving licence is 104-years-old and there are more than 250,000 people aged 70 or over who have a licence, including 12 over 100 years of age.”
Before my readers with grey, white or notta-lotta hair get ready to dip their pens in green ink and send me hate mail (I passed all their previous letters to The Editor because no one ever writes to him), if they read on they’ll see I’m not being ‘ageist’.
In fact, if I had a hat I’d take it off to anyone still driving at 100 and over because they must be extremely competent.
I say this because motorists over 70 have to renew their licence every three years and older drivers are legally required to declare whether they are fit to drive.
The rules seem pretty stringent, because more than 3,000 drivers in Wales aged 70 or over have had their driving licence revoked or refused in the last three years due to a medical condition.
However, a poll conducted by the insurance industry revealed that 45% of Welsh drivers disagree with how the law currently stands.
Nearly half of them (presumably individuals for whom the age of 70 is many years away) called for older drivers to retake their driving test as well as renew their licence every three years.
Those questioned were obviously unaware that, according to the AA, it’s actually drivers under 24 who are more likely to have an accident.
So, why not apply the same argument about retaking a driving test to 20-year-olds if they passed their test when they were 17?
Having digested the article, along with the remains of the blueberry muffin, I found an even more surprising fact.
In 2020, the number of drivers over 100 years old on our roads numbered 200.
Think about that.
If every one of them passed their test at the average age of, say, 20, it means that between them (get this), those 200 centenarians have 16,000 years driving experience!
Aha! Now you’ve just sprayed your coffee through your nose!

There was a joke going around in the 1960s…
“Some people think *satire means putting an extra cushion on their chair!”

I suppose most comedian’s acts contain elements of satire – though to they must tread much more carefully today about who and what they make jokes about than comedians of previous decades did. Or they run the risk of receiving social media attacks or even physical attacks from those who can’t take a joke!

One definition of satire is “The use of humour, irony, exaggeration or ridicule to expose and criticise people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues”.

The 1960s is often referred to as the decade of the satire boom and while it’s true that the success of the satirical revue “Beyond The Fringe” on the London stage in 1960 led to the BBC’s ground-breaking satire show “That Was The Week That Was” two years later, satire had been around since Punch magazine first appeared in 1841.

While Punch continued until 2002, other magazines like MAD and National Lampoon also cocked a snook at celebrities and other public figures.
There hasn’t been a satirical TV programme with real bite and huge viewing figures (15 million at its peak) since ITV’s “Spitting Image” finished its 12-year run in 1996.

Why?

The brilliantly witty songwriter/performer Tom Lehrer (still with is at the time of writing at 94!) famously said “Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was given the Nobel Peace Prize”.

Tom also said, “At college there were certain things you weren’t allowed to say in front of a girl. Now you can say them, but you can’t say girl”.
Clever. Funny. And it makes a point. It’s satire. And it’s hidden inside any TV news programme or newspaper that covers stories about politicians who tell us we must follow the rules…and then proceed to do whatever they want, believing they’ll get away with it. And it’s all over the saga of the two members of the royal family who, tired of being members of the royal family, moved to the USA where, because they make a living from being ex-members of the Royal family, they’re treated like royalty!

*Sat…higher!

Get it?

I didn’t say it was a good joke.

Don’t you just love nature and waking up on a sunny Sunday morning to lawnmower and petrol strimmers howling in the background?  Yes, I bet you do.

Sunday morning is the only chance I get to have that extra hour of quality rest to recover from the demands of the week – but clearly others among us have their own ideas at this time of year.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to a well-kept back yard and a neatly-trimmed bush, but a few of my neighbours have taken this too far and have invested in those high powered, turbo-charged, petrol-driven hedge cutters. Their enthusiasm for these new gadgets has meant that the whole street wakes up early to find out where the noise is coming from.  I honestly thought that a Formula One racing team had relocated their practice sessions to Ammanford.

But, don’t worry about me, I’ve sorted it and will be ready for next weekend as I’ve invested in a large box of ear plugs!

Here’s a thought . . .
In between putting the world to rights and occasionally reminding you I’m a comedian who in his time (8.45 on a Friday night) has tickled the funny bones of audiences all over the world….and Aberystwyth…I like to bring you little slices of everyday life that are either observed by yours truly or reported back to me by my army of researchers, headed by Brenda and Percy Dimwit of the Fishguard Harbour Cocktail Lounge & Cat Neutering Centre – where it’s always happy hour…unless you’re a cat.

Two separate incidents recently occurred to a friend of mine.

The first made him wonder whether the Welsh education system teaches basic maths that benefit pupils when they go out into the world.
Then, what happened the very next day, restored his faith in the education system.

On a bright February morning my friend (let’s call him Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Ap Rhys) and his wife went into a branch of a well-known coffee chain which I won’t name – but it rhymes with ‘Foster’.
He ordered two coffees and a muffin and the barista told Dwayne the total cost was £10.45.  Trying to be helpful, Dwayne handed him a £20 note and a 50 pence piece.  The barista opened the till and looked at the note and the coin for what must have been a full minute while Dwayne wondered if he might be short of change.
Then the barista leaned over the counter and said, in a conspiratorial manner, “Sorry mate. I can’t work it out”.  Having been rubbish at maths at school, Dwayne felt a twinge of sympathy for the barista – even though the ‘workings out’ weren’t that difficult.  So he explained, “The bill is £10.45. I’ve given you a £20 note and fifty pence. You just have to give me a tenner and five pence”.
Hearing this, the barista suddenly smiled and his brain fog evaporated.

The following day, in a different part of Wales (my friend, being semi-retired, gets around a fair bit) Dwayne was in a take-away food shop that rhymes with “Pub-tray” and ordered two Hearty Italians.
There’s a joke there that I don’t have the space to relate right now.
The bill came to £8.18, he handed the lady serving him a tenner and a 20 pence piece and without prompting she gave him the correct two pounds and two pence change.

I don’t know which experience is the more common, but I do wonder if the spread of card-only payments is robbing people of the ability to do basic mental arithmetic?

Perhaps you’d let me know…

This week’s column has come to you from the top of a glacier in Cervinia, a beautiful part of Italy. Now this is where technology makes life easy for me and allows me to operate without any of the stress of meeting my editor’s deadlines.  The views are breathtaking and this puts me in the ideal mood to come up with some creative writing without too many distractions.  We are 2,900 metres above sea level, snow has fallen almost every day for the past month and continues to do so.  Transportation is good, buses and cars are running as normal.  The local shops are well stocked with fresh food.
Bread and milk are in abundance and there is no sign of any panic buying.

The temperature here is well below freezing, but the local residents and visitors alike are thoroughly enjoying the winter season and all that it brings.
Clearly, if this was happening back home, we would all be in ‘shut down’ mode and a state of chaos and panic.  Right, that’s enough taking the piste, I’m off to build an igloo!

It’s an accepted, though regrettable, fact of life (and death) that we seem to lose three famous people during every Christmas period. Why?
Maybe it’s due to the cold weather?  Or maybe it’s due to the mind-numbing, life-sapping ‘Festive’ TV schedules’ that send many of us to our radios and bookshelves for alternative means of entertainment.

But it was February that took from us three famous people who lived to what some people would refer to as ‘A good age’.  I understand that when the late Barry Cryer was told a fellow comedy writer had died, having lived to a good age, Barry drily remarked, “I’m sure he’d agree one more year would have been better!”

Even non-sports fans were aware of TV presenter Dickie Davies, the amiable host of ITV’s “World of Sport” on Saturday afternoons from 1960 to 1985.
Dickie, who died on February 19th aged 94, had a laconic sense of humour and once described Jimmy Greaves of ‘Saint and Greavsie’ fame as being “so laid back he takes Valium as a stimulant”.

Raquel Welch, who died on February 15th aged 82, made many film and TV appearances but she’ll be best remembered for her role as Loana in the Hammer Films 1966 dinosaur adventure “One Million Years BC”.
Nearly 30 years later, the famous poster of Raquel wearing her ‘prehistoric’ fur bikini costume played a crucial part in the 1994 film “The Shawshank Redemption” – perpetuating the iconic image for the next generation of filmgoers. It’s hard to believe she’s gone.

As for the great songwriter Burt Bacharach, who passed away on February 8th aged 84, I could write several articles about his career and still not cover a 10th of it.  His unique melodies featuring strange chord progressions, time signatures and phrasing, combined with the lyrics of Hal David – then much later in his career with Elvis Costello and Burt’s third wife Carole Bayer Sager – provide a back catalogue of some of the greatest songs of the 20th century, easily surpassing the output of Lennon and McCartney and The Brothers Gibb.

Out of all the Bacharach songs covered by countless artistes from Perry Como (“Magic Moments”) to Dusty Springfield (“The Look Of Love”) and from Gene Pitney (“24 Hours From Tulsa”) to Neil Diamond (“Heart light”), it’s almost impossible to choose one as his ‘best’.  But in view of how grim things have been and continue to be for many people these days, perhaps the most appropriate is his 1965 composition with Hal David…
“What The World Needs Now Is Love Sweet Love.
That’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”

They do say that travel broadens the mind.

It has its benefits no doubt – and for those that are blessed with the ability to get about and see the word, life can be enhanced in so many ways.

For me, travel takes me away from the day-to-day challenges, pressure of work and constant demands that many of us face, in this fast paced world that we now live in. I’m lucky to have work-related activities that allow me to travel.

Time away often gives me a chance to think and reflect – a welcome opportunity to clear my head and process the important things in life.
At times like this, I find that I’m at my creative best. Possibly because I have an opportunity to watch and observe other people and cultures, which over the years has provided me with some truly inspirational writing and comedy gold. Yes, this is me watching you. Another blessing.

By the way – I’m not keen on camping.  Let’s face it, life can be hard enough as it is!

The world is constantly changing and so are opinions, which we often find challenging due to the fact that we also have our own opinions.

We are fortunate to be living in a country that, in the main, grants us freedom of speech and more and more people are now stepping up to the plate and confidently speaking up, which can so often be a double-edged sword.

We have discovered that social media is great for putting your opinion across, but it also gives idiots a voice, too, far too often without any repercussions.
Friendly debate will soon be a thing of the past, if our politicians, world and industry leaders don’t control their emotions and show evidence of professional respect, while setting an example for generations to come.

Education is key for a balanced debate and there IS always two sides to an argument (did you see what I did there?).

As a comedian I’m often asked, “What happens to jokes that aren’t funny…. Well, they become politicians!”

I intended commenting on that man who bid £62,000 for a Mr Blobby costume despite possessing a cracked eye and torn arm.
Why someone with a cracked eye and torn arm couldn’t put £62,000 to much better use, is a mystery.  Nevertheless, I have nothing to say on the matter.  Instead, I’d like to entertain you with another batch of showbiz stories, which my loyal readers (Ethel & Maldwyn Caradoc-Jones of Llandofmefathus, Ceredigion) tell me bring smiles to their faces.
‘Monsewer’ Eddie Gray of The Crazy Gang – who were permanent residents of the Victoria Palace in the 1950s – had a famous gag which he often used.
He’d walk up to a red pillar box and shout into it “But how did you get in there in the first place?”
When a big enough crowd had gathered, Eddie would shout into the box “I’ll go and fetch a policeman; don’t go away” and disappear out of sight!
In the early 1960s, that great comic Roy Hudd was in pantomime with veteran performer Eddie Reindeer.
Before one matinee, Roy praised the satirical humour of the then-popular TV series “That Was The Week That Was”.
Eddie said nothing, but during that afternoon’s ‘slosh’ scene, dressed in a long black wig, corset and a pair of voluminous bloomers, Eddie said to Roy “Can David Frost do this?” and fell backwards into a bath full of gunge – to roars of laughter.

During the filming of a 1980s detective series, a young actor made his TV debut playing a policeman with two lines.
The first was “You’re under arrest!” to which the ‘villain’ he’d nicked had to say, “What for?”, allowing the policeman to declare, “We believe you’ve been smuggling drugs!”
Unfortunately, the young actor was so nervous he kept saying, “We believe you’ve been druggling smugs!”
After he spoiled the scene a dozen times, the sympathetic director suggested it might be easier for him to simply say “Drug smugging!” and on the next take, much to everyone’s relief, he was word perfect.
As everyone was about to move on to the next scene, the camera operator said “Sorry! One more take! Hair in the gate*”.
*A speck of dirt between the lens and the film in the camera.
On the next take, the policeman said, “You’re under arrest”, the villain asked “What for?” and the policeman, now full of new found confidence, replied “Smug druggling!” He later moved into a less nerve-wracking profession.
Bungee jumping.  Or maybe it was jungee bumping…