To borrow a phrase from the octogenarian singer from Pontypridd, it’s ‘Not Unusual’ for an actor’s performance in a new film to be criticised.

What is unusual is for a performer to be criticised for a film that won’t be released for another six months!

But that’s exactly what happened to Emma Thompson when a trailer for her film “Mathilda” appeared on-line, ahead of its Christmas release.

Just to clarify, for those who thought “Mathilda” has been on ITV almost every weekend since it was originally released in 1996, the 2022 Emma Thompson “Mathilda” is based on the stage musical “Mathilda”, adapted from Roald Dahl’s book “Mathilda”.

Don’t confuse it with the upcoming “Mathilda 2: Revenge Of The Trunchbull’s Sister”, which features the director and star of the original 1996 film version, Danny De Vito.

Still with me?

In the 2022 film musical, Emma plays the cruel headmistress of Crunchem Hall Primary School, Miss Agatha Trunchbull, an intimidatingly huge character who towers over her terrified pupils.

In order to play the part, Emma donned a fat suit and prosthetics – normal procedure for actors playing characters physically different to themselves.
As soon as the trailer was released, there were howls of protest on Twitter, criticising her for taking a role which ‘should have been taken by a plus-size woman’.

I’m no expert but I can’t think of one British actor (actresses are referred to as actors these days – don’t blame me) with worldwide box-office appeal who could play the part without the help of a fat suit and false jowls.

The same people who protested at Emma’s casting didn’t complain in 2012 when the male actor Bertie Carvel was cast as Miss Trunchbull in the stage musical. Just as well as he went on to win a ton of awards for his performance in London and on Broadway.

When Christopher Lee wore false fangs to play Dracula and wore a long white wig and beard to play Saruman in the Lord of the Rings films, nobody suggested the parts should have been played by a real vampire and a real wizard.

Is that because there’s a shortage of common sense in 2022?
Please discuss . . .

In my job, I do a lot of driving up and down the country and much of this time is spent on motorways, where you really have to have your wits about you.  It seems to me that the nation’s driving is getting worse; everyone seems to be in a rush.

Now, then, here is one thing that never fails to amaze me.  A few times recently I have been happily travelling along within the speed limit and out of nowhere, right behind me appears someone who is in much more of a rush than the rest of the universe.  I can’t see their number plate as they are so close.  When they pass me, I can clearly see the likes of ‘Bob’s Plastering Service’, ‘Pete’s Plumbing’, accompanied by their email address and contact number.

Now forgive me if I’m wrong, but driving like an absolute plonker while advertising your contact details on your van is not the ideal way to promote your business, is it?  Just a thought.

Yesterday I had a ‘phone call from an old friend I hadn’t seen since his wedding in 2007.  Sadly, he revealed that the marriage didn’t work out.   Due to the fact he liked wearing woolly hats, scarves and overcoats in the summer and shorts, tee-shirts and sunglasses during the winter, his wife divorced him for unseasonable behaviour.

Speaking of marriage… some time ago I wrote about a woman who lives not too far from this neck of the woods who planned to marry herself.  Yes, you read that correctly. She was going to marry herself.  Just like you, I didn’t imagine this was legally possible, but it is and the official term for it is ‘Sologamy’.

As I understand it, apart from the absence of a groom, it was only slightly different to your average, every day, run of the mill wedding ceremony and on the day the bride was so happy she was beside herself.
No word yet on how the honeymoon went.

I’ve since discovered this wasn’t a solo sample of sologamy, because a lady from India named Kshama Bindup also plans to marry herself! Has she been reading my articles?

Kshama, 24, always wanted to be a bride, but has never been interested in getting married, which at one time might have been an unsolvable dilemma until someone invented sologamy. Kshama explained “People marry someone they love. As I love myself, this makes perfect sense. I don’t need a Prince Charming because I’m already my own Queen!”.

If you thought that sounded a little ‘out there’, in April, mother-of-two Deborah Hodge married her cat in a South London park. Presumably they didn’t exchange rings, just flea collars.

However there was logical thinking behind the ‘marriage’.
Having lived in rented properties for years, Deborah was so fed up with landlords banning her from keeping pets, she thought by marrying her cat, named India, no one could stop them from living together. Deborah said after the ceremony “I need any future landlord to know we come as a package and cannot be separated under any circumstances”.

Well…not until India’s next overnight stay at the vets, anyway!

Those astute readers among you will realise that my contribution to the local press has now been going since June, 2014.  That’s a lot of column inches.

When I was approached to become a regular contributor to the well-established and respected newspapers it was a total surprise. A shock to be honest.

Up until that point, it was not something that I had even thought of adding to my repertoire!   But as you know, I love a challenge and I was fully aware that the media eats up material at a tremendous rate of knots.

The technology was also an issue: would my typewriter cope with the extra work? Are spare parts still available? Did I have enough candles in my study to work until the small hours?  I am so glad I took on the challenge.

The amazing positive feedback I get (not only from the readers in Wales, but as far afield as Ireland, Switzerland, Canada and America) makes it all worthwhile.  On my travels, I meet so many fascinating characters with interesting stories.

Without them, this space would probably contain Saturday’s lottery numbers and more adverts.  Perish the thought.

Thanks for reading and, more importantly, thanks for supporting the local paper.

Last week, my Uncle Cledwyn was rushed into hospital.  No! Don’t get upset. There was nothing wrong with him.  He just caught his sleeve in the ambulance doors.

I thought I’d start with a joke before I get into the meat of the article which rugby fans won’t empathise with. But as civilised folk, we can agree to disagree. Can’t we?

I don’t need to name him, but a famous rugby player recently passed away. Even I, someone who has absolutely zero interest in rugby, had heard of him, even though he’d been out of the game for several decades.

I appreciate his death must have been terrible for his family and friends and that many rugby players will also mourn his passing.  But I couldn’t believe that on the day of his death, BBC Wales Tonight devoted the entire first half to the rugby players passing.

It might have been understandable on a quiet news night, but as soon as the fifteen-minute tribute finished, two horrific and powerful news stories followed, either of which could and should have been the lead item and the sportsman’s tribute left to the end of the programme.

That it wasn’t is due to the assumption on the part of sports obsessed BBC Wales that the entire population of Wales is interested in rugby.  But it’s not true. And it’s also untrue that we can’t all sing!

Yes, thousands of people love the game, but the fact is, on any Saturday afternoon when there’s an international on the telly, the roads and the motorways are still busy and the shops, DIY stores, garden centres, parks, supermarkets, cafes, cinemas, theatres…are all full of people whose lives are completely untouched by whatever game is being played. Something rugby die-hards will find difficult to comprehend.

I have loads of interests and hobbies that take up my leisure time but rugby isn’t one of them. As someone once said “It doesn’t make me a bad person”.  But it does enable me to take a completely objective view of the BBC’s obsession with the game and now I’ve tackled it, I can kick it into touch and knock on.

Who called me a flanket?

The Cwtsh versus Cwtch debate continues.  How do you spell Cwtsh?

Well, let me enlighten you. It’s ‘sh’ not ‘ch’.

Trust me, I’ve done my research on this – and the evidence is conclusive.
You know how you pronounce ‘bach’ in Welsh?  Well that’s how ‘ch’ is always pronounced in Welsh. Now try saying ‘cwtch’ . . .

I rest my case!

Over the years, I have researched and consulted with people who are considered well-versed on the subject.  I urge you to carry out your own research and then consider the source carefully. The way I think of the word ‘cwtsh’ is quite simple.  I split it: cwt-shhh.  Like something soft and quiet.

Same as the word Welsh.  Wel-sssh.  Not Welch!

So, there you have it, it is cwtsh!

If you are still going to insist on the English spelling ‘cwtch’, you surely need to replace the w (not a vowel in English) with a U.

Also, if you spell it ‘cwtch’ you are making it English – and you can only get a cwtsh in Wales . . .  Just sayin’ . . .

It’s said that history has a habit of repeating itself, which is quite a daunting prospect.  Who wants Viking longboats returning to Swansea Marina and warriors in horned helmets pillaging supermarket shelves (“Look, Sven! Chocolate digestives are on special offer)  “Two packets for £1.50!”. “Excellent value, Ragnar! Take two hundred!  And grab six packets of Hob Nobs. Mrs Sven loves them!”) and running back to the fjords with half-a-dozen check-out girls and Brenda from the deli counter?

You wouldn’t want to see Roman Centurions marching past your front door on their way to set up a gladiator school, hot baths and pizza parlour at the local leisure centre.  On the plus side, if they did invade again, I reckon their first port of call would be the local Highways Department to ask why they’d failed to maintain the straight, pothole-free roads they’d laid down in 388 A.D.

My thoughts on history repeating itself came about when I read that comedy duo Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders are complaining that they can’t interest the BBC in making another series of their sketch show – which ran from 1987 for five series – because TV bosses think they’re too old now they’re in their sixties.

Isn’t irony absolutely fabulous?

This is the same French and Saunders who, like many of the performers who left university and crashed onto the comedy scene, had nothing good to say about the established, middle-aged TV comedy performers of the time. As younger comedy fans took to them, they quickly elbowed the Brucies and Tarbys out of prime time and took over TV comedy, eventually becoming ‘mainstream’ themselves, appearing in adverts, films and stage plays.

And now, several decades on, history really has repeated itself and a new generation of comedians have elbowed them off our tv screens– despite the fact there are hundreds more TV channels now than there were in the 80’s.

I just hope the new generation of comedians at the top occasionally take time to remember that one day, someone will be eager to elbow them out of the way too!

Your homework this week, students is a one thousand word essay on… “The use of elbows in the comedy profession!”

This week’s newspaper column is being written from a Virgin Atlantic Dreamliner, 35,000 feet in the air en-route from London to Boston USA.
We even have an internet connection to help with the research. This certainly helps keep us occupied during a long haul flight.  How times have changed.

In addition to this, the onboard film selection is something of a treat. Never have I witnessed such a choice of new and old films.  My choice of film on this occasion was the blockbuster, ‘Laurel and Hardy’.  It was a partnership that at one time made them the world’s greatest comedy team.

With the golden era of Hollywood films behind them, diminished by age, the duo set out to reconnect with their adoring fans by touring variety halls in Britain in 1953.  But there were big challenges relating to health and management which gives us a true insight into the tough world of entertainment.  I must admit, I was truly moved by the story – and Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly played the heroes of comedy amazingly well.