This week’s column has come to you from the top of a glacier in Alagna, a beautiful part of Italy.

Now this is where technology makes life easy for me and allows me to operate without any of the stress of meeting my editor’s deadlines.

The views are breathtaking and this puts me in the ideal mood to come up with some creative writing without too many distractions.

We are 3,000 metres above sea level, snow has fallen almost every day for the past month and continues to do so.  Transportation is good, buses and cars are running as normal.  The local shops are well stocked with fresh food.  Bread and milk are in abundance and there is no sign of any panic buying.

The temperature here is well below freezing, but the local residents and visitors alike are thoroughly enjoying the winter season and all that it brings.

Clearly, if this was happening back home, we would all be in ‘shut down’ mode and a state of chaos and panic.  Right, that’s enough taking the piste, I’m off to build an igloo!

I was sitting in a coffee shop, finishing a newspaper crossword puzzle when the bloke sat opposite interrupted me by saying “Can I have my paper back, please?”  Cheek!

I thought he’d left 10 minutes before, but he’d just popped to the cobblers next door to pick up a pair of brogues he’d left there in 2004.  Incidentally, the brogues will be ready next week.

Having almost completed the crossword for him, I thought it’d be rude of me not to finish it.  So, I said, “What’s a word for something a postman carries around?” and when he asked “How many letters?” I said “Ooh, hundreds, probably!”  Just like you, he didn’t laugh.

This Friday, our posties will be delivering millions of Valentine Cards and your attitude to and interest in Valentine’s Day will depend on your age and what sort of relationship you’re in.

Even though I’ve been described as a ‘hopeful romantic’, I genuinely think it’s all a cynical exercise by retailers and restaurants to squeeze extra cash out of us not too long after the Christmas and New Year Sales bills have landed on our doormats.

After all, if you love someone, you don’t need to be persuaded by a specific date in the calendar to buy them a gift or take them out for a meal.  Well, that’s my excuse.

But, if you want to buy a Valentine gift for your loved one, there’s plenty of ways to drain your wallets and purses – flowers, chocolates, champagne, a new ironing board cover…no, scrub that last item.

I remember the reaction of my good lady when she unwrapped the one I gave her last February 14th.  The bruises eventually healed but I couldn’t ride my bike for a week.

I’ve never been aware of Valentine gifts for ex-partners you may have split-up with on really bad terms.  But now, thanks to Hemsley Conservation Centre in Sevenoaks, Kent, you can exploit this idea!

Pay the zoo just £1.50 and your ex will receive a certificate confirming you’ve named a cockroach after them!

Subtle? No.  Funny? Definitely.

Unless your postie delivers one to you this Friday…

As we get older it’s so important to keep exercising in order to stay fit, flexible and healthy.  I’m sure I am not alone in hearing the snap, crackle and pop when I jump out of bed in the morning.  Unfortunately, it’s not my breakfast cereal, it’s my knee joints warming up!

We are told to keep mobile by so many medical professionals on a daily basis, but how many of us manage to fit in some daily exercise?
‘Use it or lose it’ is the motto.  Now we can’t argue with that!

Unfortunately, the challenges of today’s daily living, plus the long, dark winter days and poor weather conditions do not help with the motivation needed to wrap up and get out there for some fresh air.

We can clearly see that phones are getting much smarter and thinner.  People, not so much.

Before you ask – I weigh 14st naked.  That’s if the scales in Boots The Chemist is anything to go by.  My case comes up next Monday!