I sometimes get asked where I get my ideas for my stage act and the articles I write for this esteemed publication.

As an aside, I must look up the word ‘esteemed’ in the dictionary one day.  I used it then because ‘esteemed’ just seems to fit together smoothly with ‘publication’. To be honest I can’t recall using the word in any other sentence.

It’s a bit like the word ‘Bundled’. You never hear about anyone being ‘Placed’ or ‘Helped’ into a police car do you? They’re always ‘Bundled’, a word you never hear in any other context.

No one says “You’ll never guess what happened to me last night! My mates bundled me into the Dog and Duck, The Red Lion, The Rose and Crown and finally The Pride Of India restaurant where they bundled a large chicken vindaloo and chips into me!”

Where was I?

Oh yes, I was going to tell you where I get my ideas from.

But before I do, I just thought of another word we only ever use in one context. ‘Umbrage’. We don’t give it, lend it or borrow it. We only ever ‘take’ Umbrage.  Why is that?

Here’s another question for you. When you’re sat in the house waiting for the gas man, the carpet fitters or the TV repair man (and if you’re really having a bad day, all three), what do you ‘twiddle’?

No, sir, I’m not talking to you! Per-leez!!

In general, what’s the only thing we ‘twiddle’? Our thumbs, right?

But imagine if the word ‘twiddle’ had never been invented and instead we used some other everyday word

“So, what did you do yesterday?”

“I waited in for the plumber all day, pruning my thumbs!”

When something leaves us disappointed and we just accept it, we tend to ‘shrug’ our shoulders and move on.  We never ‘shrug’ our knees and elbows. Although it might be very funny to see someone try it, particularly the ‘tough’ idiots who insist on wearing shorts in freezing cold weather!

You’ve given me an idea for a routine and I didn’t even have to look for it.
Thanks!