You find me in an unseasonal mood.
Not in Scrooge’s “Bah Humbug!” way – because I like Christmas.
A little.
Okay . . . I can’t wait for it to be over so I can de-clutter my house of decorations and the artificial tree that’s seen better days.
December 27th, 1985, was its last best day.
I’m unhappy after listening to a radio  discussion about a certain organisation –  I won’t name it because it doesn’t deserve the oxygen of publicity – that suggested the title and lyrics of the sea shanty “What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor?” should be changed to “What Shall We Do With The Grumpy Pirate?”.
The suggestion was because the original might be a bad influence on children.
Yet ‘Little Johhny Flynn throwing pussy in the well’ is okay?
The sea shanty opens with . . .
“What shall we do with the drunken sailor?
“What shall we do with the drunken sailor?
“What shall we do with the drunken sailor
“Ear-ly in the morning?”
The rest of the song contains several helpful suggestions regarding what could be done with the inebriated matelot, including shaving his belly with a rusty razor and, much less painfully, putting him in the long boat ‘til he’s sober.
I get very annoyed when people with too much time on their hands decide that something that’s been around for a long time (this song dates back to the early 1800s) requires updating.
I get doubly annoyed when they audaciously claim they’re ‘improving’ it.
I expect you sang this song in school, as I did.
Has it made anyone want to shave a drunken sailor’s belly with a rusty razor – except you, Mrs Betty Evans, of Fishguard Harbour?
Where will this arrogantly needless ‘improving’ end?
Will the lyrics of “Fifteen Men On A Dead Man’s Chest” be changed to “Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of milk?”
Will we soon hear “Little Old Tea Drinker Me”, “The Days Of Lemonade And Roses” and “The Night They Invented Orange Squash”?
And The Scaffold might be prevented from toasting Lily The Pink – Saviour Of The Human Race.
Think I’m exaggerating?
Just give it time . . .