You got through it relatively unscathed, then?

‘It’ being Christmas, which seemed endless thanks to appalling weather, short dark days and lacklustre TV schedules designed by people who, while we sat at home surfing the channels to find something to watch, were surfing the waves off a tropical island.

‘The Spirit Of Christmas’ out-stayed its welcome like a house guest who arrives on Christmas Eve and can’t comprehend you just might have had enough of their company by New Year’s Day.  When they show no sign of leaving, you subtly strip the duvet cover off their bed, pack their suitcase for them, put it in their car and start the engine so they can clear off without any delay. Ring any Christmas bells?

Christmas wasn’t all bad because I bought exactly the right ‘special’ gift for my partner and she did the same for me.  This was less to do with our thoughtfulness and more to do with to the fact that our carpets still have huge dents in them from the heavy hints we dropped about what presents we’d like.

Of course, not everyone’s so fortunate.  While you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth – particularly if the gift you receive is a horse – a recent survey revealed many people are disappointed with Christmas presents their partners buy them.  And it’s not surprising the recipient’s faces dropped when they unwrapped such truly pathetic presents as…a pair of windscreen wipers; a mop and bucket; an ironing board cover; Hoover bags; and a toilet seat!  You’ve probably guessed that these ‘gifts’ were bought by men for their partners/wives/girlfriends.

I think we can agree that any man who buys last-minute presents at a petrol station on Christmas Eve …  ”Here you are luv. An instant barbecue; a car cleaning kit…and half a Wispa. I ate some of it on the way home!”
…is a thoughtless plonker.

But a man who plans ahead to buy the person he shares his life with windscreen wipers for Christmas and actually believes she’ll be pleased to receive them, is something else.  I’d like to think there aren’t many of them around.  But if you know better, send me a note on the hotel writing paper he gave you last year…