Last Saturday, I sat in a Llanelli town centre cafe having a quiet cup of coffee (Well, the coffee itself was quiet, but I was making loud slurping noises, watching the world go by).

Not the entire world obviously, as that would take several months and not everyone in the world has the inclination, the air fare or enough holiday entitlement to parade past the window of my local town centre cafe, so I could stare at them as I drank my way through 5,000 cups of coffee.

Regular readers will know I spend a lot of time in cafes and it’s not because I have a ‘thing’ about shapely, thirty-something waitresses in pastel-coloured Rayon overalls that crackle as they place a plate of beans on toast in front of me and say in that provocative, ‘Continental’ fashion . . . ”Yer u are, luv!”

Years ago, I used to go out with a waitress, but I packed her in when I found out her toes were so tiny, you could barely see them.

Our relationship would never have worked because I’m lack-toes intolerant!

Sitting in cafes enables me to overhear people’s conversations.

Sometimes I have to strain my ears while I’m listening and until people get to know me, I do get the odd glance as I pour coffee into my lughole, swish it around and pour it back into my cup.

Some people are unaware that they’re talking so loud, their ‘private’ conversation can be heard by customers on the next table, passers-by in the street and holiday makers boating on Loch Ness.

For comedians needing ideas for routines, such conversations can be Manna from Heaven. Manna from Devon arrives quicker, but as it comes up from the West Country it costs £6.50 extra, to cover the Severn Bridge toll.

So, there I am, listening to the lady on the next table talking to her friend and I heard her say those words that many of you will hear over the coming months, but rarely in mid-August.

“I’ve done all my Christmas shopping!”

I wanted to ask her “Madam, if you’ve already done all your Christmas shopping, what on Earth do you do in November and December? Buy Easter Eggs and hot cross buns?”

But, before I could speak, a shapely, thirty-something waitress in a pastel-coloured Rayon overall crackled past me…and I became lost in an exotic mist of bacon fat and grilled tomatoes…