Picture the scene: you’re hosting a party, surrounded by family and friends.  The drinks are flowing and guests young and old gather around in small groups to reminisce about previous family occasions blessed by the presence of much-loved relatives long since departed.

Conversations start with “Remember when…?” and end with raucous laughter at the memory of some hilarious family episode from the past.

The party seems destined to be another one that’ll be fondly talked about at future family gatherings.

And then…!

One of the younger guests is so shocked by a racist comment made by an unthinking older guest, they hurriedly leave the room.

If you were hosting the party and witnessed this incident, would you reprimand the older relative?  If you did and they took exception to being ‘told off’, the party mood could take a downward turn.  Or would you just accept that some older people have outdated attitudes and then apologise later to the young person?

This is the dilemma a friend of mine found himself in when he and his wife recently organised a birthday party for their teenage granddaughter, a spirited young lady who detests any sort of prejudice.

As it was the first time my friend had invited more than six people into his house since the first 2020 lockdown, he didn’t want this special occasion to suddenly erupt into a row that began with the mature guest protesting “What are things coming to when you can’t say what you think?”

My friend chose to diffuse the situation with humour by saying to the older relative, “The 1970s just called. They really miss you!”  The older relative looked suitably chastened and the party continued.

We all have thoughts that others might not agree with and I’m definitely not saying we should constantly self-censor our opinions because that feeds into the current ‘cancel-culture’ which I have no time for.

However, it’s easy to avoid such potentially awkward moments if, before we publicly express our opinions, we take into account who else is ‘in the room’ and how they might react.

Now…is there any trifle & birthday cake left for me?