Someone once told me, “If you want to avoid falling out with people, never lend them money or give them advice!”
I was recently discussing the dangers of giving advice with a mate and he recalled the time an invitation arrived to (let’s call them) Derek and Dolly’s 30th wedding anniversary ‘do’.
On the back of the invitation, in Derek’s handwriting, was the message “We’re still together thanks to your advice”.
My friend explained to his wife that 20 years ago, Derek, an actor/singer, was starring in a touring musical that was visiting Cardiff.
My friend was working on a sitcom for Derek, so they’d meet every day at the theatre and my friend watched the show twice.
One day, between the matinee and the evening performance, they went for a quick meal and had barely sat down in the restaurant when Derek asked, “What do you think of ‘J’, my leading lady?”
My friend said “She’s talented, funny and absolutely gorgeous”.
Derek then blurted out, “We’ve been having an affair since Birmingham and I’m thinking of leaving my wife and moving in with her. What should I do?”
Talk about being put on the spot!
No expert on matters of adultery, somehow, from all the possible answers swirling around in his head, he found this one . . .
“Well, you could leave Dolly, but she and your children would hate you.
“Then suppose, in 18 months, you go on the road with a new show and you fall for your new leading lady. Will you leave ‘J’, the girl you left your wife for, to move in with the new one? You can’t keep repeating the same pattern every time you tour.”
On hearing his story, my friend’s wife said, “You’re not so daft”, and went off to make him a cuppa, with promises of chocolate biscuits.
She might not have thought so well of him if he’d revealed what he’d said, tongue firmly in cheek, to Derek outside the restaurant after the meal . . .
“Does ‘J’ have a sister, by any chance?”
Derek laughed all the way to the theatre!