I’ve discovered a trick enabling me to create an article every week.
The trick is . . . I don’t get up from my PC until it’s written.
Easy, innit?
It helps that, like other inhabitants of the comedy world, I can look at things happening around me (and to me) from a ‘skewed’ viewpoint, that non-comedy folk wouldn’t think of.
Then again, unlike a plumber, or electrician, I’m not qualified to solve practical problems.
Although, when I think about it, I could rewire your house for 50 quid in readies.
I’d make more money if I had a trade, but I’m grateful that whatever skill I have enables me to share my thoughts with you about matters that annoy me.
For example . . .
People referring to things that may happen ‘Going forward’, when they mean ‘In the future’.
People who, instead of admitting “I made a mistake” use the annoyingly juvenile Americanism ‘My bad!”
My bad what, exactly? Use of the English language?
The first person I heard say ‘My bad’ was Jonathan Ross, someone always eager to adopt Americanisms.
Although . . . I remember the infamous prank call he and Russell Brand made to Andrew Sachs mainly featured Anglo-Saxon phrases.
Last week, I saw a sign saying ‘Assisted Counter Service’ in a bank.
Not ‘Counter Service’ – ‘Assisted Counter Service’.
What sort of counter staff wouldn’t assist customers?
I found the inclusion of the word ‘Assisted’ patronising and insulting and an unsubtle attempt to deter a percentage of customers from ‘bothering’ bank staff with much more important things to do than serve people!
How banking institutions have changed.
‘Assisted Counter Service’ implies customers who prefer being served by a human being are elderly or possibly physically impaired.
The fact is, not everyone likes using machines!
The one staff member serving at the counter asked every customer, “Have you tried banking online?”
One gentleman recognised this was the equivalent of turkeys asking for an early Christmas and said, “No I don’t! And if everyone did, this place would shut and you’d all be out of a job!”
I laughed so much I dropped my shotgun and had to take the stocking off my head.