2018 is moving faster than Piers Morgan when he’s told the studio canteen’s selling triple cheeseburgers at half price.

When you buy your 2019 calendar, write across January in large letters . . .
“REMEMBER SUMMER 2018”

Because . . .

Next winter, when it’s freezing cold and gets dark at four in the afternoon; when the central heating’s on the blink; the roads are covered with ice; and you can’t escape the dreariness because snow has closed all the airports. . . that’sthe time to remember Summer 2018 and how we whinged and wilted in the sort of heat wave we haven’t experienced for years.

When you can’t leave the house in January 2019 without gloves, scarf, woolly hat, three layers of clothing and a hot water bottle up your jumper, I want you to say to yourself out loud . . .

“Did Ireallycomplain the summer weather was much too hot?”

The sad fact is, unlike our neighbours in Spain and Italy (who not only adore sunny weather, they make an industry out of it), we British are never prepared when Mother Nature decides to slip on her sunglasses, roll up her skirt and go for a cooling paddle in the sea.

Towards the end of June, after only a few sunny weeks, I saw the first sighting of “Hosepipe Ban Predicted” in the newspapers.
Supermarkets rationed fizzy drinks and there’s talk of a beer shortage due to CO2 running out.

And, although we expectour railways to grind to a halt in the Autumn because of the ‘Wrong type of leaves on the line’ and in the Winter due to the ‘Wrong type of snow’, in June many trains were delayed because the ‘Wrong type of sunshine’ buckled the railway tracks.

Let’s just accept that Britain can’t cope with hot weather and find ourselves a shady spot to enjoy a cold fizzy drink . . . while we still can!