THERE are words and expressions in general use today that are actually euphemisms for their true meaning.
Take politicians, for example. Once upon a time they resigned. Now they ‘step down’.
They explain what they intend doing about important issues ‘going forward’ rather than ‘in the future’ . . . usually after admitting ‘lessons must be learned’.
And they now admit ‘I mis-spoke’ instead of ‘I told a huge whopper.”
I was reminded of this ‘free and easy’ use of words when reading a newspaper headline that would have you believe something so important had happened that huge numbers of readers had been waiting to hear (with bated breath) before they could carry on with their lives.
It’s probably advisable that I don’t mention the real name of the person in the headline, so let’s call him Abernethy Farquhar.
In fact, as I had never heard of the chap, he might as well have been lumbered with that moniker.*
The headline proclaimed “Abernethy Farquhar has returned to social media after a break of two months!”
Phew! You could hear the sighs of relief all around the country!
I read the article (so you don’t have to) and it turns out that our friend Abernethy had temporarily withdrawn from twitting or tweeting his every single thought, idea and opinion, just after he’d broken up with his partner.
For those tear-stained eight weeks, we must assume he hid himself away from the world, brooding, watching daytime TV with the blinds down, while eating cereal straight out of the box.
Now, having somehow got over his heartache, rejuvenated by a combination of cornflakes and bran, he’d re-discovered his mojo. He could resume telling the world what he’d had for tea and what colour socks he’d wear tomorrow. Order was restored!
As Cilla might have said, “Worra lorra tosh!”
Look, I use social media, but frankly, if I backed away from it for a while, who cares? And I certainly lack the self-importance needed to make a grand announcement that I’d ‘returned to social media’.
The older I get, the less I understand people!
*Younger readers, ask your grandparents.