TV is the closest thing to a time machine that man (step forward John Logie Baird!) has invented
Zoom through the channels and you’re back in the 1970s watching “The Sweeney”. Press again and there’s Roger Moore as ‘The Saint’ from the 60s or a 1940s Hollywood classic.
And in between these solid, timeless entertainments are the shows that the more obscure channels exhume from the vaults, like the episode of “Family Fortunes” I watched recently.
Host Les Dennis looked so young you’d be forgiven for thinking this was his first job after leaving school. Except that Les was totally professional, quick-witted and treated the celebrity contestants with warm-hearted good humour.
The two teams were comedy entertainers dressed up as pantomime characters – The Dick Whittingtons and (as featured in ‘Jack & The Beanstalk’) The Trotts.
The first question Les asked was, “Give an example of how to start a joke!”
The Whittingtons won the right to come up with four more answers by suggesting “I say! I say! I say!” as in ‘I say! I say! I say! My dog’s got no nose!’ “How does it smell?” ‘Terrible!’
If you thought that was out of the ark, their next answer was “Knock! Knock!”, their third was “Have you heard the one about . . . ?” and their fourth was “A funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre tonight!”
Even in the 1980s, when the series was made, I doubt that many comedians actually used any of those four introductions to jokes, but, then this was a game show and they needed to come up with five answers to win the round.
Ah! I can see you maths geniuses noticed I’ve only quoted four answers.
And there’s a reason for that. They couldn’t come up with a fifth, so lost the round.
When Les revealed what the missing answer was, both teams and me at home went “Yes, of course!”
It was the one that we haven’t heard for years . . . “There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman…!”
What! No mention of a Welshman?
Who can I complain to?