So, the other day, a loyal reader approached me and dropped this bombshell: ‘Are you really annoyed by everything, or is it just an act?’
My epic response?
‘Pass me that towel and get out of my bathroom, please!
Needless to say, I had new locks installed on my doors the next day.
The truth is, I do get annoyed by a lot of things.
Like . . .
Christmas songs blasting in stores way before Remembrance Sunday.
Christmas songs still haunting my eardrums long after Remembrance Sunday.
Just the other day, I heard a traffic presenter on BBC Radio Wales say, ‘There are some issues on the Heads Of The Valleys Road!’
And my quick-witted comeback was pure gold: ‘Yeah, and that’s not the only thing with issues!’
You think Craig Revel Horwood is sassy? Honey, he’s got nothing on me!
I must be one of those easily-triggered souls whose feathers get ruffled at the slightest provocation.
Speaking of feathers, my family has been raising them since the 18th century, always setting them free when they’re old enough to fend for themselves.
Now that winter is in full swing, my everlasting pet peeve has resurfaced – grown men strutting around in freezing weather wearing shorts as if they’re in the Australian outback.
They may think they’re tough as nails, but they’re actually as daft as a brush.
Why, you ask? Well, while their pale, goosebump-covered legs endure icy winds, hail, and snow, they have the audacity to wear woolly hats to keep their heads warm!
Does that make any sense at all?
I overheard one young lad justify his lack of proper legwear in December by proudly declaring, ‘I’ve just come from football training!’
If he hadn’t been twice my size, I would have retorted, ‘Alright then, but why did you leave your trousers in the changing room?’
And don’t even get me started on those middle-aged men with beer bellies and crumpled shorts, wearing them all year round. I’m seriously considering having a meeting with the Lord Chief Justice to propose making it a capital offence!
Stay tuned for more adventures in my world of perpetual annoyance!