The dream of every performer starting out in show business is to see their name up in lights. The reality is, apart from the West End, not many theatres use this expensive method of advertising today.

Having your name in red neon outside a theatre meant that no one (apart from a disgruntled electrician) could interfere with it, unlike posters which can be defaced – and also cause rifts between performers.

Older readers will remember Jimmy Jewell and Hylda “She Knows You Know” Baker who starred in 45 episodes of the TV sitcom “Nearest and Dearest”.

Despite the fact they loathed each other, their series was very successful and a stage version was produced in Blackpool, where one morning, Jimmy Jewell arrived at the theatre to find Hylda up a ladder, using a tape-measure to check that her name was bigger than his on the main poster!

The fragile nature of performers’ egos is further illustrated in the following story which I’m assured is absolutely true.

One week in 1964, the popular Irish singing trio The Bachelors were in cabaret in Birmingham from Monday to Saturday, following which they were booked to appear on the prestigious TV show Sunday Night At The London Palladium.

When they finished performing on the Saturday night, their roadie packed their guitars and equipment into a van and headed down to the Palladium.

The Irish lads were due to take the midnight train to London but when they got to the station they discovered there’d been a landslide down the line.

No trains were going south.

Disaster!

After explaining their predicament to the Station Master, he mentioned that his brother owned a canal barge that was leaving for London any minute, arriving around 10 in the morning.

He phoned his brother who agreed to take the trio with him – if they hurried!

The boys jumped into a cab, headed for the canal and when they boarded the barge they realised…phew…it was carrying 10 tonnes of horse manure!

As the bargee approached each lock, he was required to call out to the lock-keeper what cargo he was carrying.

“Ten tonnes of horse manure….and The Bachelors!”.

After listening to “Ten tonnes of horse manure…and The Bachelors” a dozen times, lead singer of the Bachelors, Con Cluskey, tapped the bargee on the shoulder and said…

“Excuse me, captain! Can we have a word about our billing?”